Showing posts with label success. Show all posts
Showing posts with label success. Show all posts

Saturday, 25 September 2010

'Taste on Autism' Film Review

Taste on Autism *****

Taste on Autism is an 8 minute animated short film by Ben Htoo that was created for his individual Major Project for Raffles Design Institute in December 2009. It tells the story of an Autistic boy and a neurotypical girl who first meet as children. The girl immediately takes a liking to the boy but when she tries to get his attention by touching him, unaware that he is Autistic, he responds angrily, prompting her to run off. Many years later, they encounter each other again. He is a customer at a burger restaurant and she is a waitress there. Another incident prompts another angry response. When she learns that he is Autistic, however, she develops a whole new understanding of him and gets him a job working at the restaurant. Still, he seems to be a very sad individual and only when she asks him to go with her to a special learning centre for Autistic people do things change. He learns to cope with his Autism in ways he never could before and a romance begins between the two, him being truly happy for the first time in his life as a result of their relationship, the new found friendships with others around him and a whole new confidence that was missing in his life before. Eventually, he becomes truly independent although the ending is also tinged with sadness.

As an individual with Autism myself I am perhaps not best qualified to provide a truly objective review of Taste on Autism. What I can do, however, is provide an Autistic perspective on the film. While the film occasionally perpetuates the image of Autistic people as being angry and dismissive, it also offers some insight into why this is the case, making clear the fact that certain things that many take for granted, such as unwanted physical contact, can be very upsetting for individuals with Autism and that a negative reaction that many result is not reflective of the individual being angry or unpleasant, rather just a misunderstanding of the rules of social interaction that most take for granted. Ben Htoo seems to have some understanding of Autism as the film is very respectful and honest in the way it portrays its central character and his difficulties. The man is not unpleasant, he is just lonely and all it takes for him to feel happy is acceptance and understanding of who he is and what makes him special. The story is both inspirational and sweet, being the very kind of thing that really could happen and for me it really did inspire feelings of happiness and even a tinge of sadness at the end, and I am sure it will for you too, whether you have Autism yourself or not.
There is an almost magical quality to the film with the music, provided courtesy of Associated Production Music and Walt Disney Records (you may well have heard it before elsewhere), having a very enchanting essence, capturing the mood perfectly and emphasising the emotion that is being portrayed quite effectively through the visuals. The animation is simplistic but quite beautiful and works well with the story that is being told and the decision to portray much of what is going on visually rather than through dialogue – there is no dialogue at all – is an inspired one, with the images being utilized portraying what is going on in a simplistic yet effective way that individuals with Autism should easily understand and relate to, bypassing the awkward aspects of interaction that those with Autism find so hard to understand. This is a particularly good touch. Simply put, Taste on Autism is a perfect representation of Autism. It shows that those of us with Autism are people with feelings and that all we really want is to be accepted by the world that seems so alien to us. A truly magical and enchanting short film, this not only portrays Autism in a positive light but is also a very well made piece of animation and a very enjoyable one to watch, whether you are Autistic yourself or not. At a short running time of only 8 minutes, it won’t take up much of your time to watch and you may just feel a bit more enlightened about Autism for doing so.

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This is a follow up to my previous post which contains the full film of Taste on Autism and can be found here: http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2010/09/short-film-taste-on-autism.html

Review by Robert Mann BA (Hons)

Short Film: 'Taste on Autism'

The original source for this video can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n80_S1Gn7UM

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Taste on Autism is the first of many delightful videos I have found about Autism while scouring the web and that I will be aiming to post on here in the near future. It is an 8 minute short animated film that is basically about a romance between a woman and a man diagnosed with Autism. A truly delightful film.

A full review for this film will follow shortly.

Robert Mann BA (Hons)

Sunday, 1 August 2010

'Dustbin Baby' nominated for Emmy award

'Dustbin Baby' nominated for Emmy award

Article from The National Autistic Society

Dustbin Baby, a BBC drama featuring a teenager with Asperger syndrome, has been nominated for an International Emmy Award.

Adapted from the novel by Jacqueline Wilson, Dustbin Baby starred 14-year-old Lizzy Clarke, who was the first actress ever to play the part of someone with Asperger syndrome on TV while actually having the condition herself. Lizzy performed alongside Juliet Stevenson and Dakota Blue Richards.

Dustbin Baby told the story of teenager April (played by Dakota Blue Richards) who sets out to discover where she came from and, along the way, discovers where she belongs, having been abandoned in a dustbin as a baby. April goes back to the world she left behind - one of foster and care homes - and remembers and revisits the people who shaped her life, including the character played by Lizzy.

The 37th International Emmy Awards will take place Monday, November 23, 2009 in New York, hosted by Graham Norton. Dustbin Baby is nominated in the Children and Young people category - we'll let you know if they take home the award on the night.


The original source for this article was on the National Autistic Society website - http://www.autism.org.uk/ - but, due to the site being rebuilt recently, a direct link to the article is currently unavailable.

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This post is a follow up to my other recent posts which can be found here:


http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2010/07/mother-of-british-teen-actress-with.html

http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2010/07/dream-comes-true-for-lizzy.html

http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2010/07/fame-for-actress-with-asperger-syndrome.html

Robert Mann BA (Hons)

Saturday, 31 July 2010

Mother of British teen actress with Asperger's says disabled actors should play disabled characters

Mother of British teen actress with Asperger's says disabled actors should play disabled characters

Article from The Observer - November 15, 2009

By AMELIA HILL

The mother of the first actress with Asperger's syndrome to play a fictional character with the condition has launched a campaign to stop actors "playing disabled".

Lizzy Clark (pictured) was 14 when the BBC asked her to play the part of Poppy, a teenage girl with Asperger's, in the television film Dustbin Baby, starring Dakota Blue Richards and Juliet Stevenson. Based on Jacqueline Wilson's novel of the same name, the film has been shortlisted for an International Emmy, a British Academy children's award and the Bafta Kids' Vote awards. The award ceremonies will take place next week.

Lizzy's mother, Nicola Clark, has said that employing actors who are not mentally disabled to play characters with neurological impairments should stop. It is the "blacking-up of the 21st century", she said. "We need to break down these barriers. They're unacceptable and indefensible in a modern-day society, especially when there are so many good, disabled actors who are both ready, eager and able to take on these parts."

Lizzy, who had never acted professionally before her part in Dustbin Baby, said: "My Asperger's made some things on the film set difficult at first, like dealing with the sudden noise of the storyboard, but I was soon so focused on acting that I didn't notice anything else.

"It is not just mentally disabled actors who lose out when non-disabled people are employed to act them. Audiences think they are getting an authentic portrayal of a mentally disabled person, but they're not. It's not like putting on a different accent or learning what it was like to be raised in a different era. You can't understand what it is like to have a mental disability unless you've really lived with it. When non-disabled people try to portray us, they tend to fall back on stereotypes that have done our community so much harm in the past."

According to Independent Television Commission research, 79% of viewers would not mind if a disabled person read the evening news. Six in 10 say that disabled people should appear in a wider variety of roles, including as presenters. There are, however, signs that the tide is slowly turning in favour of Clark's "Don't play me – pay me!" campaign. EastEnders recently introduced David Proud, who was born with spina bifida, as Adam Best, the first character in the show to use a wheelchair in real life.

The move is part of a series of measures by the BBC intended to raise the profile of disabled actors and performers. Next week it will start a nationwide search for disabled actors and performers for drama, comedy and children's shows. It will also launch an online directory of disabled talent, with the support of the acting union Equity and Spotlight, the casting directory. "Innovations like this are promising, but I would question whether disabled actors will be used in greater numbers simply because their contact details have been made easier for directors and producers to find," said Clark. "Society regards people with mental disabilities with such extreme stigma, and attributes them with such insulting and misleading stereotypes, that most casting directors would not even consider employing someone with a mental disability."

Clark is setting up a forum for all mentally disabled actors, where they can be encouraged and supported. The forum will also generate publicity through public events and debates.

In another sign that Clark has launched her campaign at a turning point, Channel 4 will next week launch Cast Offs, a comedy drama about the making of a Survivor-type reality TV programme featuring physically disabled characters. Created by Jack Thorne, who has written for Shameless and Skins, Tony Roche, who has written for The Thick Of It, and Alex Bulmer, the programme features thalidomide victims, dwarfism and the face-disfiguring cherubism, a rare genetic disorder.

Clark wants to see a similar commitment to how mental disability is portrayed. "At the moment mentally disabled actors only appear on our screens in plot lines revolving entirely around their disability, and generally only in scenarios where they need to be rescued from something to do with their disability by a non-disabled protagonist… We want to see disabled actors playing parts where the least interesting thing about them is their disability."

Clark expects a long battle. She points to the decision by the British Board of Film Classification to warn viewers that the comedy Special People featured disabled people. "Giving the film a 'disability theme', as though we have to be warned away from disabled people, was bizarre," said the film's director, Justin Edgar.



© Guardian News and Media Limited 2010

The original source(s) for this article can be found here:
http://media-dis-n-dat.blogspot.com/2009/11/mother-of-british-teen-actress-with.html
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2009/nov/15/disabled-actors-television-campaign

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This post is a follow up to my other recent posts which can be found here:
http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2010/07/dream-comes-true-for-lizzy.html

http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2010/07/fame-for-actress-with-asperger-syndrome.html

Robert Mann BA (Hons)

Thursday, 29 July 2010

Dream comes true for Lizzy

Dream comes true for Lizzy

Article from Shrewsbury Chronicle - September 18, 2008

A 14-year-old autistic girl from Shrewsbury is trailblazing the way for other sufferers after winning the role of a character with the condition in a television adaptation of a popular children’s book.

Lizzy Clark, from Copthorne, has always wanted to act, but after being bullied at school lost her confidence. She is now over the moon after being selected for a part in a television adaptation of a Jacqueline Wilson novel, Dustbin Baby, which starts filming tomorrow.

Nicky Clark, Lizzy’s mum, discovered the opportunity on the national autism website which she browses regularly because both Lizzy and her sister Emily, 11, suffer from autism which is a brain development disorder.

“We saw the audition on the website and they were looking for a girl between 12 and 15,” she said.

“Lizzy had never done a professional audition before so I made a short film raising awareness of autism and I sent a link through to the director. We had a call and she was invited to London. She didn’t think she’d done very well and was really nervous about it, but I thought she’d done fantastically well.

“They said they were delighted with her, it’s really exciting and great for Lizzy. She’s always wanted to act but has been bullied at school and lost her confidence.

“It’s a UK first that someone with autism is actually playing someone with autism, it’s such a fantastic outcome and it’s very good for her self-esteem.”

A spokesperson for Adcote School where Lizzy goes said: “We’re all really pleased she’s been given the part, we’re all thrilled for her and think it’s very good they’ve chosen someone like Lizzy.”

© 2010 Shrewsbury Chronicle

The original source for this article can be found here:
http://www.shrewsburychronicle.com/2008/09/18/dream-comes-true-for-lizzie/

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This post is a follow up to my other recent post which can be found here:
http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2010/07/fame-for-actress-with-asperger-syndrome.html


Robert Mann BA (Hons)

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Fame for actress with Asperger syndrome

Fame for actress with Asperger syndrome

Article from BBC Shropshire - September 16, 2008

A Shrewsbury teenager appeared alongside Dakota Blue Richards in BBC One's 2008 adaptation of Jacqueline Wilson's Dustbin Baby. Lizzy Clark plays a girl with Asperger Syndrome - even more remarkable given that she also has the condition.


Fourteen-year-old Lizzy played the part of Poppy, a teenager with Asperger syndrome, in the BBC TV adaptation of Jacqueline Wilson's children's book Dustbin Baby. It was Lizzy's first professional acting role.

Lizzy also suffers from Asperger syndrome, offering her a unique take on her new character.

The syndrome is a relatively mild form of autism. Lizzy said that because it's subtle, people don't see her as autistic: "They see me as someone who's a bit strange and not very easy to get on with, although I do have lots of friends who love me and support me."

In Dustbin Baby, the local teenager appeared alongside household names like Juliet Stevenson, and star of The Golden Compass, Dakota Blue Richards. Jacqueline Wilson, president of the Shrewsbury Bookfest, is one of the UK's most popular children's authors and Lizzy is a big fan.

It was Lizzy's mother, Nicky, who saw an advert for the role on an autism website: "I think it's incredibly positive that the BBC chose to find an actress who has the same condition as the character."

Being on set was the best experience of Lizzy's life. She said: "At first it was a bit intimidating," being with such big stars as Juliet Stevenson and Dakota Blue Richards, but after a while, she said you, "stop noticing the cameras".

Nicky Clark says getting the role has been a huge boost to Lizzy's self-esteem. She said: "It was lovely for Lizzy; it was lovely for people with autism... to show that anything is achievable."

The original source for this article can be found here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/shropshire/content/articles/2008/09/16/aspergers_actress_feature.shtml

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Another success story showing that a person with Asperger's Syndrome can achieve great things in life, Lizzy Clark really is an inspiration to both those with the condition and their parents. She shows that while many things may be out of reach for us Aspies, if we focus on trying to achive the one thing that we love doing and that we are truly great at we can not only find a great job and/or career but also find a place in the world where we truly feel that we belong.

Having seen Dustbin Baby myself I can honestly say that Lizzy Clark really does have a terrific talent for acting. The idea of having someone with Aspergers Syndrome play a character with the condition is an inspired one as it allows the actor to draw from their real life experiences for the part and Lizzy's portrayal of Poppy really captures the essence of a character who may seem a bit odd and may not fully understand the world around her but makes up for it with heart and a refreshingly innocent attitude.

I wish Lizzy Clark all the best and hope that she continues to do well as an actress.

Robert Mann BA (Hons)

Sunday, 25 July 2010

How do autistic children survive as adults?

How do autistic children survive as adults?

Article from The Sunday Times Magazine - August 16, 2009

By CAROLINE SCOTT

Peter Griffin is 29, he has an IQ of 159, a degree in astrophysics, and a gallows humour about his Asperger’s syndrome, an autistic-spectrum disorder that makes social interaction so difficult that his longest — indeed his only — stretch of paid work has been a Saturday job in Tesco, which he has had since he was 16. He is so wired after his shift that he is awake until 4am and it takes him the rest of the week to recover: “At the end of a day trying to be ‘normal’, acting the part, wearing the mask and reining myself in, I’m like a pressure cooker.”

Very few people outside his family seem to understand Peter’s needs. At 11, an educational psychologist said, “I’m happy to tell you that Peter is among the top 2% of the population,” which, since Peter was unable to get anything down on paper, made his parents feel worse rather than better. “His teacher used to say, ‘If only I could find the starter button.’” At secondary school, homework involved standing next to his mother, Ann, who would say, “Why? What? When?”, then quickly type what he said. “He knew all the answers. But his thinking was, ‘Why are they asking?’ It made no sense to him.”

Peter’s contextual memory is so bad he doesn’t remember this, but Ann, who works full time at a local college, vividly recalls the late-night battles. Peter couldn’t stand the crossing of the boundaries between school and home: “They are two separate entities and I didn’t like the lines being blurred,” he says. Because he didn’t conform, he was labelled uncooperative and lazy. Only his maths teacher seemed to get him. He told his parents: “Peter is Peter. We should encourage him to be himself, not change him.”

But being Peter has not been easy. Asperger’s was not recognised or routinely diagnosed until the early 1990s. Peter says he thought he was going mad. Ann remembers ringing round, trying to get some support for him, and being told it was her problem. She needed to let go. Then, when the Griffins’ youngest child, Stephen, started school, Ann went in to see his teacher and watched aghast as Stephen collected hundreds of rubbers and lined them up under a chair. “I said, ‘Do you think he’s like Peter?’ And his teacher said, ‘I think he’s much worse.’ ” Stephen’s severe autism was diagnosed at eight, at which point the penny dropped and Peter, then 19, got his diagnosis.

“Michael, our second boy, is what we call neuro-typical,” says Ann. “He was sociable, able, all the things Peter and Stephen weren’t. He was our touchstone. We kept saying, ‘Thank God for Michael, because we know we’re not bad parents.’ ”

Stephen Griffin is clear-skinned and luminously good-looking, an 18-year-old with the guilelessness of an eight-year-old. His passion is racing cars. He can tell you the name of every Formula One champion back to 1950, yet he doesn’t understand that a bus that takes him one way will also bring him back. The rest of us assume an awful lot about the world, based on knowledge we have gathered and processed. People on the autistic spectrum assume nothing: just because a traffic light turned from red to green last time, it doesn’t mean it will do so again. It makes every step a perilous one.

With his mother’s help, Stephen got a handful of GCSEs — Ann took two weeks off work and together they learnt about the Chinese revolution and the life of plants. But since his statement of special needs ended at 16, he has had no transitional support. Apart from taking an animal-care course at college — the idea being that through caring for animals, he would learn about taking care of himself — he has been stuck at home, watching racing on TV. He has a normal IQ but is profoundly autistic. If you say, “Would you like to work in a shop?”, he will say “No”, because he has no way of knowing if he’d like it. And anyway, one shop is not the same as another.

Support for Stephen has been patchy and fairly pointless. “I want to help him move towards work,” says Ann. “But the courses available to him seemed designed purely to keep him out of his bedroom for a year.”

Last year, as part of its I Exist campaign, the National Autistic Society (NAS) commissioned the largest ever UK survey on the experiences of adults with autism and their families. It identified a fundamental problem: nobody — not government nor health authorities nor primary care trusts — knows how many autistic adults there are in England. No wonder, then, that so many don’t have access to the services they need. The National Audit Office, crunching the figures it has on children, estimates that there are half a million people with autistic-spectrum disorders in the UK, of whom around 400,000 are adults, ranging from the mildly affected to those who will need lifelong care. A recent study suggests that autistic adults cost the economy around £25.5 billion a year, 36% of which is accounted for by lost employment. The government is now committed to developing a national adult-autism strategy, which includes the appointment of a full-time autism specialist within the Department of Health, and training for social and healthcare professionals. Every parent has his or her own professional horror story, from the GP who thought Asperger’s was a childhood syndrome — “Do they think kids magically shed ASD when they’re 18?” asked one parent incredulously — to the social workers who repeatedly lump young adults with ASD (autism-spectrum disorder) together with those who have mental-health or severe learning difficulties.

Dedicated teams within local authorities will now be tasked to ensure that every 14-year-old with a statement has a transition plan. This is a statutory requirement set out in the SEN (special education needs) code of practice, yet at present only 34% of children with ASD have them. The consequences of getting things so badly wrong are huge. Currently, only 15% of adults with ASD are in full-time employment, and they report that their experiences at work are marred by misunderstandings and inadequate support.

Peter Griffin still shares a bedroom with his 25-year-old brother, Christopher. Christopher has a long-term girlfriend, and their brother Michael, 27, is married. Does Peter see himself married one day? “Oh dear,” he says. “Hmmm. Yes and no.” My questions on this subject are relayed through Ann. Peter is keen to answer, but points out that I’m looking at all this from a neuro-typical point of view. “I’ve never had a girlfriend, so how can I know if I’d like one?” Do you have friends? There is a long pause. “Not really, no. It’s difficult. To develop. To maintain?”

He says working out the basics of social etiquette has been “like learning times tables”.

He lacks instinct. It’s just about okay until there’s a nuance in the complex web of communication, and Peter has no idea if something has happened or what. “Before I ask a question, I like to know the answer so I have an idea of what to expect.” I can see how tricky this must be.

“It’s just much safer to do nothing rather than risk making a prat of himself,” says Ann.

Because no appropriate support exists for Peter, the Griffins are having to define it. After a disastrous year at Leeds University — “He slept all day, played computer games all night and ran up thousands of pounds of debt” — Peter got his degree in astrophysics at the University of Hertfordshire, where he had a “buddy” provided by the Disabled Student Alliance.

Did the physics department all tend towards the, um? “Do you mean, were they all Aspies? Of course they were!” says Peter.

His dad, Laurence, who works in IT — “a very Aspie profession” — acknowledges that a genetic link is likely. “If there were 100 people in a room, one of them would have Asperger’s.”

“No, no!” says Peter. “You’d never get the Aspie in the room!” And they all fall about laughing.

Ann has explored the idea of Peter working as a teaching assistant. He did an eight-week programme with a council-run scheme called Work Solutions. “He was very, very motivated. They said, ‘We’ll allocate someone to work with you in a few weeks.’ ” But three months went by and nobody phoned. Peter’s mood plummeted. His conclusion was: “I don’t know anything is happening, so I’ll assume nothing is happening.”

Robyn Steward, a 22-year-old with Asperger’s and associated difficulties, from dyspraxia to tunnel vision — she lists them for me — has no truck with the idea that “You’re autistic, therefore you must be a genius”. “At school everyone was expecting Rain Man. Well, I’m rubbish with numbers.” Robyn was isolated, stressed and unable to learn because she was bullied all the time. She was 12 when she was told she had Asperger’s. “I was sat on my mum’s bed. I remember the bedspread?”

Robyn has now learnt to make eye contact, but not to break it. We are eyeball to eyeball for nearly two hours. She has worked hard to understand how neuro-typical people feel:

“It’s like you have a jar in your head and you have emotional tokens which swoosh round, so you’ve got a constant flow. With people on the autistic spectrum, the jar gets full really, really quickly and then it explodes and they get scared and they don’t know what to do.”

When Robyn’s jar gets full, she paints. Her tiny kitchen is crammed with paintings, “111 in all”, many of them consisting of black swirls with primary-coloured gashes. A particularly dark one was painted after a row with a musician friend, also autistic. “He asked me if I thought he was a genius. I said no. I didn’t mean it horribly — I was just being honest. He said, ‘Well, you’ve got an IQ lower than 70 and you’ll never get a boyfriend.’’’

Robyn has had one neuro-typical and one Aspie boyfriend. “I don’t think we feel differently to neuro-typicals. It’s just that we’re less good at interpreting feelings — ours and other people’s.” Robyn finds strong feeling — whether hunger, anger or affection — frightening and confusing, and it’s mostly this that has scuppered her relationships. Physical problems, she says, can be overcome. “I hate anyone hugging me. But one friend squeezes me gently round the waist while I look away.” The biggest problem is finding a connection and maintaining it. “During my teens I was practically a recluse because people were so horrible to me. I didn’t learn the things I should have done. Now I’m in my twenties, I find it easier to say, ‘I’m not very good at this,’ because I know neuro-typicals don’t find it easy either.”

Robyn’s experiences at school were so bad, she says, that “I thought I’d be a homeless drug addict by the time I was 21.” She was sent to social-skills classes: “Ate biscuits — pretty useless really.” But at college, thanks to a proper transition and good learning support, everything went right.

She is now a self-employed mentor for Aspie children, with referrals coming from SENCOs (special-needs co-ordinators) and parents. “I get them to draw while we talk, so they don’t have to look at me. They often haven’t a clue about their own condition. I think, ‘How does a kid get to 12 without anyone understanding them?’ ’’

Robyn does a very good job of appearing neuro-typical, yet she is often driven to the edge of reason just trying to get it right. During a spell working for a computer store, customers’ imprecision left her so frustrated that she banged her head on a wall hard enough to give herself concussion. She needs to know what’s coming, what’s certain, rather than what might be. She is not an order freak — she quite likes mess — but worries about shopping and food all day. She is hypersensitive to colour and texture. “I can’t go into Waitrose — I can’t stand the shiny floor.” Breakfast has to be two Weetabix lined up, with the milk to exactly the same level. “Sometimes I get so panicky I have to phone my friend Bill [a mentor] to find out what I want for my dinner and he says, ‘It sounds as though you’d like a jacket potato.’ He keeps me safe from the world.”

Robyn says that when we meet again, she won’t remember my face, but she has memorised my earrings and shoes. “Life would be easier for people with ASD if others made more of an effort to understand,” she says. And it doesn’t seem too much to ask, since Robyn has no choice but to spend her life trying to get her head around us.

The Asperger’s community, which by its very nature is pretty inflexible, is highly vocal on the subject of inclusion. People with ASD want what the rest of us want: jobs, homes, independence. But the wider community, uneducated in such things, doesn’t know if it wants them, and Aspies themselves are divided as to whether they want to put up with us. Part of the problem is that the autistic spectrum is so broad. Emma Cantons, mother of Robbie Petre, a 20-year-old with high-functioning autism, says it ranges from “the man in the office who doesn’t mix, and is fixated with balls of elastic bands, to those who will never live independently”. Of the group whose slogan is “Autism isn’t a disability, it’s just a different way of being”, she says: “The logic is so delightfully autistic. Trust me — if it stops you fitting into society, it’s a disability, and it’s lifelong.”

As a child, Robbie had floor-bashing tantrums that would last for two hours. “The gap between him and other children widened until there came a point where I couldn’t pretend everything was okay.” He was diagnosed with dyspraxia at 7 and autism at 11. “He had one friend who, when Rob was in the middle of a screaming fit, would say, ‘D’you want to do some Lego?’ Or, when Rob ate with his hands, ‘Come on, mate, use your fork.’ But that is so rare. In the main, the world has absolutely no patience with people like Robbie.”

Robbie is fortunate that he has had an engaged social worker and fantastic care. After he pushed his sister down the stairs, social services listened. “It sounds terrible,” says Emma, “but I thank God he can be violent, because it’s the only reason we’ve had the help we have.” Since he was 16, Rob has had a 52-week residential placement, currently at Ruskin Mill, a working farm community in Gloucestershire. Sitting in her south London garden, Emma has no doubt that, for him, the decision has been the right one. “Robbie doesn’t need reminding to pay his bills — he needs care.”

She sums up the fear and uncertainty of his world very neatly: “I might bring out a cup of tea in a minute or an elephant might drop from the sky. For Robbie, those two things are equally possible. And the gap goes on widening. I think, ‘Woo-hoo, Rob walked to the bus stop on his own.’ Then you realise other 20-year-olds are backpacking in Peru. But within the context of Rob, he’s doing fantastically well. At one point I saw no future for him at all, because I thought he’d kill himself. It is a Greek curse to possess the intelligence to see what you can never have.”

Rob can stay where he is until he is 21, and after that the future is uncertain. “My big sorrow,” says Emma, “is that it can’t go on for life.”

Polly Tommey’s vision for a supported autistic community would perfectly accommodate Rob, with his “islands of ability surrounded by great abysses of difficulty”. Polly, a former actress, formed the Autism Trust two years ago. She publishes The Autism File, a forum for parents of children with ASD, and is trying to raise £10m to build the first outreach centre where autistic adults can be supported to work. She talks at 90mph of rolling the idea out nationally and globally: “America is interested. Dubai wants one?”

Calling on the help of friends in advertising, she launched a billboard campaign: “Dear Gordon Brown, I can save you £508m a year. Please call me”. It hit the spot: Brown invited her to No 10 to discuss better training in the private sector and the creation of a multi-party autism coalition.

In the Tommeys’ bedroom — her husband, Jon, is a clinical nutritionist — four computers compete for space with tumbling piles of files and laundry. E-mails to Polly’s dressing room-cum-office go like this: “Dear Polly, I have a 21-year-old son with autism and urgently need advice and help?” She is driven — “We cannot afford to lose these young people to a life without a purpose” — yet is clearly exhausted and often defeated by the number and desperation of the calls she gets. “I don’t do this through choice. I cannot ignore the need.”

Her own son, Billy, now 13, was so profoundly affected by autism and attendant gut problems that he spent the year between 18 months and 2½ screaming. “He’d bang his head for 12 hours a day.” She recalls getting on a train and sitting between two compartments, crying and crying as people climbed over her. “I was desperate. I know how that feels.”

She is realistic about Billy’s future. “He has full-blown autism. He will never be independent. People say, ‘Oh, Polly, you shouldn’t say that.’ But it’s true. If he lived in the community, he’d be a liability. Not fair on the public. Not fair on Billy. But that doesn’t mean he can’t lead a useful and productive life with the right support.”

The trust’s centres will include a residential wing for those who need it, a working farm and a business centre with mentors and PAs. “Autistic people have amazing brains — I haven’t met one who can’t do something — but aspects of life need to be managed for them.” Polly gets calls from grandparents looking after grown-up boys their own children can’t cope with, and from weeping mothers who talk of suicide.

One writes: “I hope destiny brings a pill which will wipe us out together?” She tells a ghastly story about a 25-year-old on a nine-month waiting list to see a counsellor, whose anxiety reached tipping point. He put a noose round his neck and hanged himself.

There are pockets of good practice: local authorities in Liverpool, Newham and Oldham have dedicated teams to support autistic adults. And in Sunderland, Paul Shattock has established inspirational residential colleges for autistic adults. “In the right environment — low stress, low sensory stimulation — you’ve got a chance to make a real difference,” he says. ESPA colleges, which take a mix of long-term residential and day students and have a waiting list of hundreds, have their own charter of rights; paramount is “No decisions about us without us”.

Paul points out that there’s a lot of money to be made in autism. “Nightclub owners”, as he calls them, “buy a house, fit it out and fill it with five or six autistic adults. That’s not acceptable. But neither is the other option: the vast majority of autistic young people who end up stuck at home with ageing parents, doing nothing”.

The NAS hopes that the national adult autism strategy, due at the end of this year, will “hold local authorities legally responsible for providing support for autistic adults and ensure they have clear routes to diagnosis, assessment and support”. Which all sounds marvellous, but a plethora of legislation and statutory guidance already exists that is supposed to do the job. Unless local authorities are held to account, this new guidance may not be worth the paper it’s printed on. Amanda Batten, the NAS’s head of policy, says: “We do not underestimate the challenge. We’ll keep a very close eye on it and we’ll go to court if we have to.”

Tribunal-weary parents know that local authorities’ quibbling over semantics has become so entrenched in some areas, it could almost be considered policy.

Amy Brosnan, an ethereal 19-year-old lodged somewhere between childhood and adulthood, was diagnosed with autism at 11. There was a lot of “holding down” at her first school, which Amy remembers as “all fear and no learning”. Since she turned 12, she has been at home; she has had no suitable education at all. And now, her mother, Cathy, believes, she has no future.
Cathy sifts through files of letters, evidence of a systematic failure even to acknowledge Amy’s needs. “Local-authority psychologists assess you down. Then, when you get a statement, you fight for every aspect of the provision.” Cathy has been to tribunal three times, the last time over a school that Amy could have attended until she was 21. The local education authority vacillated for so long that she lost the place.

Amy, so anxious about my visit that she has barely slept, looks sad and lost. She sits and listens, head on one side, occasionally getting so upset that she has to leave the room. She loves taking photographs, and when I leave she gives me a shot of a landscape that shows real ability, but Cathy believes Amy’s confidence and self-esteem are now so low that she will need one-to-one care for the rest of her life. It’s a tragedy and makes no financial sense, since the cost to the country of looking after Amy will be far more than that of supporting her properly in the first place. “I really hope the Autism Bill works for the kids who are coming through now, because it’s too late for us,” says Cathy.

One in three autistic adults suffers mental-health problems, and for each of those, not one but several lives are shattered. So many parents talk of the difficulties in securing a diagnosis, or of getting one — but much too late, when their child has dropped out of college or employment or suffered an emotional breakdown. Janette Robb’s 30-year-old son, Danny, was only formally diagnosed two years ago. “My son has spent 75% of the past five years in psychiatric hospitals, much of it due to lack of support within the community.”

Rosie Cousins, whose adult son has become addicted to prescription drugs, is filled with fury at the years of botched diagnoses and, ultimately, with grief over what might have been. Her plea is simple: “I love him dearly,” she writes. “I don’t want his life’s journey to be a worthless one.”

Autism lowdown

Autism is a lifelong developmental disorder that affects how a person communicates and relates to others. It is often referred to as an autism-spectrum disorder (ASD)

The Austrian psychiatrist and physician Leo Kanner described the classic autistic syndrome in a seminal paper in 1943

Autism is estimated to affect more than half a million people in the UK today; about 133,500 of them are under 18

Scientific studies suggest a genetic link: it was recently found that mutations in genes involved in brain connections may increase a child’s risk of autism

ASDs appear in 1 in 100 children; of these, 40% wait more than three years for a clear diagnosis, others longer still

Boys are four times more likely than girls to develop autism disorders, which are a lifelong disability

One or, at most, two in 200 people with an ASD — the ‘autistic savants’ — have an extraordinary talent

Copyright 2009 Times Newspapers Ltd.
The original source for this article can be found here: http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article6794806.ece

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Stories like these are the everyday reality that people with Autism, Aspergers Syndrome or other Autism Spectrum Disorders have to live with. And the sad fact is that it wouldn't take a whole lot for individuals diagnosed with any of these conditions to live the normal lives they desire. Something as simple as being diagnosed early enough and being offered the necessary help without having to fight for it every step of the way would really make all the difference. This is something that I can particularly relate to, not being diagnosed till I was 14, after a so-called expert called in to look into my case during my time at primary school said my solitary behaviour was due to a phase I was going through and was something that I would grow out of. Some expert...not only did I not get diagnosed till I was 14 as a result of their failure to notice signs that must surely have been quite obvious but also my parents, especially my late mom, had to fight to get the help I needed and as a result many of the difficulties that could potentially have been overcome will now be with me for the rest of my life. If this help was available without all the hassle then surely I and others like me would be a whole lot better off. At least I can consider myself lucky in some ways though. While I find many things difficult in day to day life at least I have developed some measure of independence and have achieved many things to be proud of. Stories like that of Amy Brosnan truly break my heart as, due to the failures of others, she will not be able to experience any of the freedoms that come with living independently. I just hope that measures are put in place soon to ensure that the future Autistic adults of the country are in much better position to live out their lives than we are today

Robert Mann BA (Hons)



Thursday, 18 March 2010

Autistic couple in Az subject of film

Autistic couple in Az subject of film




Article from Arizona Daily Sun



By BETSEY BRUNER.

Jerry Newport and Mary Meinel just published Mozart and the Whale: an Asperger's Love Story, a memoir of their life together. They both have Asperger's syndrome, a form of autism.

FLAGSTAFF - Jerry Newport and Mary Meinel joined their two families of birds when they married on Jerry's birthday in 1994.

"The birds got along very well," Jerry said. "They all have double-digit ages."

Besides their 13 birds - five cockatiels, six parakeets, one dove and a cockatoo - the two share a condition, Asperger's syndrome, a form of autism that affects millions of Americans.

Asperger's and other forms of autism are complex developmental disabilities that make social interaction and communication difficult. Maintaining personal relationships can also be daunting, and isolation often sets in.

After their first marriage, a separation in 1997, a divorce in 1999 and a remarriage on Valentine's Day 2002, the couple is still together, refusing to give up in the face of many challenges.

"Mary wasn't sure what kind of future we had, but she was sure we were better off together in some way than we were separate, and she's right," Jerry said.

Today, the Newports live in Flagstaff and have added Wolfie to the family unit, a fluffy-white poodle mix they got at a local animal shelter.

Their story was the inspiration for the 2005 movie, Mozart and the Whale.
Starring Josh Hartnett as Donald (Jerry) and Radha Mitchell as Isabelle (Mary), the movie had a short run in Spokane, Wash., where it was filmed, and was released in DVD at the end of 2006.

"Donald is a very good interpretation of me when I was a young person," said Jerry, who grew up in Long Island. "I was a young person who was obsessed with fitting into society and never quite could."

The movie's title comes from the costumes they wore to celebrate Halloween - Willy the Whale for Jerry, and Mozart's sister, Maria Anna Mozart, for Mary.

Reversing the usual cycle of movie based on book, the Newports have just published a memoir, Mozart and the Whale: An Asperger's Love Story.

The book was co-written by People magazine writer Johnny Dodd and is moving up fast in book rankings based on sales, Jerry said.

People with Asperger's syndrome can be high functioning if a bit eccentric.

"A lot of people would say to us, 'You're just a little off,' " said Jerry, 58, who started an autism support group in Long Beach, Calif., where the couple met in 1993.

Asperger's syndrome was named in honor of Hans Asperger (1906-1980), an Austrian psychiatrist and pediatrician, who described his young patients as "little professors."

The Newports are savants who can perform remarkable feats in specialized intellectual areas, Jerry at math and Mary at music.

With unique personalities, the Newports have become celebrities in the world of autism, featured twice on 60 Minutes.

Because they often have a foot in two worlds, the conventional and the autistic, people with Asperger's are of special interest to people studying autism.

"It's a different culture," said Susan Marks, a special education professor at Northern Arizona University. "Adults with Asperger's are able to provide us a window as to what a child who has autism is experiencing, but is unable to speak. They can tell us what the sensory experience is."

With a degree in math from the University of Michigan, Jerry is a whiz at the subject.

During an interview, he took less than a minute to calculate he was 21,333 days old.

"I started off as a 7-year-old, discovered for being able to do things like square roots in my head, with as many decimals as people wanted," he said.

Because of their difficulties communicating socially, people with Asperger's may not be able to earn a living in their areas of interest.

Jerry works part time for Friendly Cab in town, where he said he is treated well and is becoming a good driver.

Mary, 52, who was born in Tucson, worked in Hollywood as an actress and doesn't consider her form of autism a disability.

"I always considered it a plus," Mary said. "That's where the savant comes from."

Inspired by Russian composers, she bought a synthesizer to compose Neoclassical music.
Another passion is sewing. Mary said she wants to fashion an updated version of her Mozart costume from some new red brocade fabric.

"I'm just bound and determined to cash in on life, to live it to the fullest," she said. "You should have a lot of dreams and see how many of them you can fulfill. You should do what you'd rather be doing."

Copyright © 2010 TucsonCitizen.com

The original source for this article can be found here:

http://www.tucsoncitizen.com/daily/local/39363.php

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This is another article that I have found about Jerry and Mary Newport.

I have posted other articles about the couple previously which can be read here:

http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2009/11/star-trek-spot-aspie.html

http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2009/11/when-jerry-met-mary.html

http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2009/11/mozart-and-whale-interview-with-jerry.html

http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2009/10/against-odds-love-story.html

Additionally, content about the movie 'Mozart and the Whale' which is based on their lives can be found here:

http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2009/11/mozart-and-whale-movie-trailer.html

http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2009/11/mozart-and-whale-movie-stills.html

http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2009/11/mozart-and-whale-movie-poster.html

Robert Mann BA (Hons)

Wednesday, 10 March 2010

Love can prevail

Love can prevail

Asperger Syndrome need not nix romantic opportunities

Article from Longmont Times-Call - November 17, 2009
By PAM MELLSKOG

Eugenia Brady and her boyfriend Miles have been together for about two years since they met at a social event for people who are affected with autism. Eugenia was attending a meeting for parents with children of Autism and Miles was participating in a monthly function for adults with Aspergers.





LAFAYETTE — Every now and then, as they make dinner together in her small kitchen, Eugenia Brady will stop chopping vegetables and interrupt their conversation to kiss her boyfriend passionately.

“But when I come up for air, I just want to finish my story,” said Miles, a man diagnosed as a child with Asperger Syndrome, who preferred not to share his last name.

Though the highest-functioning members of all those diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder,
people will Asperger Syndrome still often miss opportunities to enjoy healthy dating and marriage relationships given the way the disorder hobbles communication.
“If someone is angry, I know what it means if they give me the bird or shake their fist. And I know if someone is happy and cheering, like at a Broncos game. It’s the subtle communication in a marriage that I struggled to see. … Relating to someone romantically is like dealing with another culture,” said Xenia Grant, 44, an AS-diagnosed widow and Autism Society of Colorado support group organizer in Denver.

Brady and Miles attribute some of their more maddening moments of misunderstanding and conflict to as much.

“Other times, it’s just a guy thing, a Mars/Venus thing,” Miles said, referring to the popular book by John Grey, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”

However, psychologist and marriage counselor Kathy J. Marshack recently tailored a book to address communication issues in this subculture titled, “Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going over the Edge? Practical Steps to Saving You and Your Relationship” (Austism Asperger Publishing Company 2009).

“Most adults with Asperger Syndrome are undiagnosed. So, someone’s smart, financially successful husband could have AS … and can pass for normal, except at home,” the Vancouver, Wash., resident said.

To cope, the affected partner tends to isolate or dominate in the relationship, which worsens the situation, she said.

Others living with the syndrome never get a chance at romance because they miss the cues that
lead to a deeper relationship.

“I should have worn a button that said, ‘I’m hard of hearing and nearsighted. Please flirt aggressively,’” Miles, 47, said.

Still, he and Brady clicked after meeting in December 2007 at an Autism Society of Colorado potluck. Brady, also 47, attended the event after participating in a class to learn more about the then-recent AS diagnosis of her third child, Benjamin, now 6.

She needed to make the first move, though — something she did in April 2008 by inviting Miles to dinner.

Brady worried about all sorts of things before he arrived. Would the flickering of the fluorescent lights in her kitchen or the high-pitched sounds from the TV agitate him?

“And I needed to remember to ask him for a hug when he left instead of just giving him a hug,” she said, referring to the touch sensitivity some people with AS report.

Since then, the couple has learned ways to work around that issue and others.

For instance, the Costa Rican native often smiles and touches people when she talks.

“That is how I speak, too,” she said.

But Miles initially complained that tickled him.

“The thing is, sometimes it tickles and sometimes it doesn’t,” he said.

Now, when Miles shies from her conversational taps, she sometimes tickles him in earnest. And part of her playful response to his diagnosis-related hang-ups has healed him, Miles said.

Now, often he takes her hand to show her he is focused on listening — even though staying focused enough to listen well challenges the couple, too.

At his tech support job with a local wireless company, Miles listens all day to callers explaining glitches in service. He manages handily to analyze the problem and solve it.

Part of his expertise lies in his extraordinary attention to detail. At a previous job fulfilling orders for printer driver software, he memorized part prices along with the tax and shipping rates to almost every state.

Still, conversation with a sweetheart takes different turns than conversation with a customer.

Brady notices that Miles may say four unrelated things without batting an eye.

“(His conversation) can be disconnected. But now I know to tell him, ‘Miles, I don’t get the connection. You have to explain it to me,’” she said.

Other times, instead of feeling hurt by his silence when she tells him about a tough day, she prods him to respond.

“I just think differently,” Miles said. “I remember reading Dr. Seuss’ ‘Green Eggs and Ham’ story with my sister when I was a kid. She said, ‘Do you know what this means?’ And I said, ‘Yeah, even if food doesn’t look right, you should eat it.’ She has never thought about that story like that.”

But for Brady, this aspect makes working through their communication issues worth it.

“Our differences can be the color of our hair, our eyes, our skin or the way our brain is wired and the way we process information and respond to situations,” she said.
Brady appreciates his fresh takes and, to avoid the unhealthy dominating dynamic highlighted by author Marshack, she gives Miles lots of room to guide her in practical matters as much as she guides him through abstractions.

This fall, for instance, he taught her with plenty of patience how to drive a manual transmission vehicle.

The give-and-take aspect of their relationship along with their shared sense of humor helps them see progress in each other — even when it needs to be spelled out.

“I love that wink she gives me,” Miles said. “I now know it means that she finds me attractive.”

The original source for this article can be found here:

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Here is another true love story involving a man with Asperger's Syndrome, the big difference to other stories I have posted recently being that in this case the woman does not have the condition as well.

Stories like this show that individuals with Asperger's can indeed find love and that it doesn't necessarily have to be with someone who has the condition (although in some cases it obviously does play a part). This is certainly a story that can provide hope to men with Asperger's Syndrome as, given the small percentage of girls with the condition, there are far more males than females with it and, besides, a girl having Asperger's Syndrome alone isn't enough to base a relationship on.

What we need is simply someone who can accept us as we are. If we can meet someone who can truly understand our difficulties, perhaps through personal experience, i.e. someone who has the condition themself, then great, but ultimately we just need someone who will accept us and love us as we are and stories like this one show that this is most definitely possible, even with a neurotypical partner (after all, you can't define a person with Asperger's by a label, so the same should definitely apply for Neurotypical individuals as well).

Robert Mann BA (Hons)

Monday, 8 March 2010

Vancouver couple show autism, romance can coexist

Vancouver couple show autism, romance can coexist

Article from The Seattle Times - February 24, 2008

By ERIN MIDDLEWOOD, The Columbian


Emilia Murry Ramey and Jody John Ramey have co-written a book entitled Autistics' Guide to Dating. In the book, the married couple reflect on their personal experiences and give advice on relationships.



VANCOUVER, Wash. — Emilia Murry Ramey and Jody John Ramey met through a mutual friend. They soon discovered they had more in common than their friend. Both were students at Portland State University. And both have autism.

The Vancouver couple are among the estimated 1.5 million Americans living with the effects of some degree of autism.

Specifically, Emilia and Jody both have Asperger syndrome, marked by social awkwardness and a lack of understanding of conventional social rules.

As if dating weren't hard enough.

"I hadn't had any dating experience before meeting her," said Jody, 35.

"I used to say I had more jobs than dates," joked Emilia, 33.

Not only did Jody and Emilia figure out dating, they laid out tips for others in a book, Autistics' Guide to Dating: A Book by Autistics, for Autistics and Those Who Love Them or Who Are in Love with Them.

The book is available for $19.95 on the London-based Jessica Kingsley Publishers Web site jkp.com.

"A lot of literature on autistics comes from the medical community that shows autistics as broken and in need of fixing," Jody said. "We don't talk about autism as a deficit at all. We talk about how to sell the positive traits of autism in a romance."

The couple, who married in 2006, didn't set out to write a book. Soon after they started dating, Jody, who has made presentations at autism conferences around the world, suggested they make a proposal to the Autscape conference in London for a session on dating.

"Since we'd only been dating for two weeks, she thought I was nuts," Jody said. But Emilia was willing.

The couple's presentation was a success, and they went on to offer similar sessions.

"We decided the book was the next step," Jody said. "A large percentage of our book is just good, solid relationship principles."

The book stresses communication.

"People on the autism spectrum aren't good at reading subtle social cues," Emilia said. So couples have to specifically voice their feelings and concerns. Even then, she said, things can get tricky.

Emilia said she learned that if something Jody said offended her, she should ask what he meant before getting upset.

The book also addresses touch, which makes many autistics uncomfortable.

"I'm a bit touch-defensive," Jody said. "It isn't that I don't like to be touched. It's that there are specific ways I like to be touched. The book helps couples find those ways no matter what their verbal ability."

Autistic people often have very narrow interests, which can be a barrier to connecting with others. The book helps them navigate beyond a laser-point focus.

"If you love Star Trek, go to a Star Trek convention," Jody said. "Don't talk about Star Trek at your grandmother's funeral."

The book also seeks to help autistics overcome stereotypes.

"One of the problems that holds people back is a negative view of autistics," Emilia said. "People think of Rain Man or someone banging their head against the wall.

Autistics can have successful relationships."

Copyright © 2008 The Seattle Times Company

The original source for this article can be found here:

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2004197834_autisticcouple24.html

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Here is another true story that shows that people with Autism or Aspergers Syndrome can be successful in love.

Just like with Lindsey Nebeker and Dave Hamrick, Emilia and Jody Ramey are passing on things that they have learnt in their relationship onto others and some of the things they have to say are very useful for anyone Autie or Aspie inviduals who are looking for love.

I for one will certainly take the advice that they have given if and when I meet someone I like and enter the world of dating. And I think others should too.

Robert Mann BA (Hons)

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Love Conquers All for One Autistic Couple

Couple Lives With Autism, Comfort of Each Other

Love Bloomed After Socializing Was Learned

Article from ABC Good Morning America - February 25, 2009

By THEA TRACHTENBERG and LINDSAY GOLDWERT

David Hamrick, 29, and Lindsey Nebeker, 27, look like a typical couple in love, but what's not apparent is how hard they've worked to be together.

Hamrick and Nebeker live together in a Jackson, Miss., apartment, yet they have separate bedrooms, eat meals apart and spend most of their time focused on their own interests.

This unusual setup is how Hamrick and Nebeker, who are both autistic, make their relationship work.

About 1.5 million people in the United States have autism, with varying degrees of severity. Many people with autism struggle with the most basic social interactions, so finding love may seem like an impossibility.

Hamrick and Nebeker are high-functioning but, since childhood, both have found it difficult to make friends and even harder to keep them.

"All of her socialization had to be learned, usually by hard experience," said Nebeker's father, Gordon Nebeker.

Autistic people can also be hypersensitive to touch and sound. Hamrick can't stand when the room is too warm and cringes at certain sounds; Nebeker can't take florescent lights; and both are profoundly uncomfortable with small talk, said Lynn Harris, who profiled the couple for Glamour magazine.

Learning to Interact with Autism

Despite their difficulties, they both kept trying to reach out and connect with others. Nebeker learned to make friends by reading Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Hamrick had tried to untangle the rules of dating by reading self-help books.

"No one teaches you to flirt," said Diane Twactman-Cullen, editor in chief of Autism Spectrum Quarterly. "Individuals with autism would really be at a loss. So there might be some missed signals."

When Hamrick and Nebeker met in 2005 at an autism conference, Hamrick was smitten.
"I pretty much liked everything about her," he said. "She was very sweet, easy to talk to, and a good listener."

But Nebeker was unsure.

"In my early 20s, I had decided I was no longer going to seek a relationship," she said. "I was mainly going to focus on my career and my friends that I had been able to make and keep."

They became friends. Then one day when they were at a café, Hamrick knew he was making progress when he put his hand on hers.

"My heart was racing," Hamrick said. "I was fearful it might not work out the way I had anticipated, but the fact that she didn't pull back and she was able to hold my hand there for at least five minutes, I was very touched by that."

Living Together With Separate Needs

After two years of dating, they took the huge step of moving in together, despite their unique and separate needs.

Nebeker admits that it seems highly unusual for a typical couple to agree to separate bedrooms.

"We both understood the importance of an individual with autism needing their own space," she said.

When they are in their apartment, they are rarely together. Hamrick, a meteorologist, is often in his room on the computer or absorbed in the Weather Channel while Nebeker, a musician, can get lost for hours playing the piano and working on her music.

A romantic dinner for two presents major challenges.

"There are a number of sounds that are unpleasant to me," Hamrick explained. "Such as chewing sounds and crunching sounds."

And Nebeker has many complicated eating rituals. Her napkin has to be placed just so and her meals prepared in just the right way.

"Sometimes Dave will spontaneously ask, 'Hey, you want to go out for dinner tonight?' And I break into sobs and I say, 'I am so sorry, I just can't. I just can't,'" Nebeker said.

The couple's parents have seen their children struggle with their disorder and are in awe of the way the two care for each other and express their love and devotion.

"Being high functioning is almost more difficult than being low functioning," said Gordon Nebeker.
"You are so close to there, and yet not quite -- and that is heartbreaking."

But for all the compromises, the couple's love story is actually a pretty traditional one, one of deep understanding and acceptance.

"When I have had a bad day at work or just a bad day for some other reason -- and I come home, I don't even have to say anything, he senses it. Dave will come up to me and start cuddling up to me and that's really all I need," Nebeker said. "I know that I am with a partner who is not going to judge me for certain eccentricities I have."

Copyright © 2009 ABC News Internet Ventures

The original article can be found here:
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/OnCall/story?id=6952013&page=1

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This is a follow-up to my recent posts. Other articles I have posted about Lindsey Nebeker and Dave Hamrick can be found here:
http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2010/02/video-learning-to-love.html
http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2010/02/theyre-autisticand-theyre-in-love.html

This article is an accompaniment to the video I posted previously - see the above link.

Robert Mann BA (Hons)

Monday, 22 February 2010

Video: 'Learning to Love'

The original source for this video can be found here:

http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=6955074

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Following up my previous post about Lindsey Nebeker and Dave Hamrick, here is a lovely news piece that was done about them on ABC News shortly after the story was published in Glamour magazine.

Enjoy.

Robert Mann BA (Hons)

Sunday, 21 February 2010

They’re Autistic—and They’re in Love

They’re Autistic—and They’re in Love

Article from Glamour - February 2, 2009

By LYNN HARRIS

There are two bedrooms in the cozy Jackson, Mississippi, apartment: Dave Hamrick’s is like a dad’s den, with a striped beige armchair and a hanging map; Lindsey Nebeker’s is darkly girly, with spiky dried roses hung over a bed topped by a graphic leaf-print quilt. After work on any given evening, Dave and Lindsey are likely to be orbiting the home separately, doing their own thing. Dave may be flipping through magazines, pausing to stare fixedly at design details or leaning in to inhale the scent of the pages. Lindsey typically sits down to eat alone—from a particular plate with a particular napkin placed just so—and may slip so deeply into her own world that Dave has learned to whisper “Psst…” when he approaches so as to not startle her and, on a bad night, make her scream.

An observer might assume the two are amicable, if oddball, roommates. But Lindsey, 27, and Dave, 29, are deeply in love. And they are autistic. Every day of their relationship, these two beat tremendous odds. That’s because the very definition of autism suggests that for adults with this disorder, love—especially the lasting, live-in kind like Lindsey and Dave’s—is not in the cards at all.

About 1.5 million people in the United States (an estimated one fifth of them are female) have autism, with varying degrees of severity. The disorder can create sensory issues, like hypersensitivity to touch and sound, and impair social skills. While some autistics are gifted (often in music or math), they may be utterly baffled by the nuances of small talk and eye contact. Expressing empathy can be virtually impossible. Imagine a first date—never a breeze for any of us—with those limitations.

“I hear a lot of loneliness, sadness and fear among the autistic adults I meet,” says Stephen Shore, author of Beyond the Wall and an internationally recognized expert on autism who has the disorder himself. “Without a natural understanding of communication, it’s much more difficult for people with autism to find and sustain an intimate relationship.” They have hearts that feel; it’s the funky wiring in their brains that makes things so challenging.

Contrary to stereotype—the Rain Man-esque loner who’d rather count toothpicks than make friends—adult autistics often know what they’re missing out on and hope to find love, like anyone else. Since hanging in a crowded bar or going on a blind date can be terrifying, many connect through social-networking websites. Still, successful relationships aren’t very common, especially relationships in which both partners have autism.

Lindsey and Dave have experienced their fair share of heartache: at school, among so-called friends, in their search for partners. Yet both have also summoned the courage to take a risk, perhaps the biggest risk of their lives, for each other. Theirs is a still-unfolding tale—an unconventional story about unconditional love.

Autism has been making headlines lately, especially now that more and more children are being diagnosed with it. Celeb mom Jenny McCarthy, for one, speaks and writes about her son’s autism. The head writer for Days of Our Lives developed a story line about an autistic child based on her parental experience. Last fall, autism-awareness advocates raised hell over the “Autism Shmautism” chapter in comic Denis Leary’s latest book. Observations included “Yer kid is not autistic. He’s just stupid. Or lazy. Or both.”

The attention, good and bad, has made it somewhat easier for adult autistics to find acceptance in the world. Former America’s Next Top Model contestant Heather Kuzmich—who has Asperger’s syndrome (considered an autism spectrum disorder) and who had trouble making eye contact in TV interviews—has become a role model. Claire Danes is starring in a forthcoming HBO biopic about best-selling autistic author Temple Grandin. Also helpful are sites like wrongplanet.net, geared toward autistic adults, where users can find answers to questions such as “How do I learn to flirt?”

Lindsey, an auburn-haired beauty with an artistic, bejeweled style you might call peasant-goth, has been more fortunate than others (including her severely autistic younger brother). When she was 19 months old and not talking, her parents tested her for autism, and she got the benefit of early treatment. Today, her occasional wandering gaze and the forced cheer in her voice make her seem just a bit off. It takes effort, she says, not to sound “robotic.”

Even as Lindsey’s speech caught up and her talent for playing piano emerged, she developed habits typical of autistics: staring for hours at the fibers of a carpet, for example, or performing soothing rituals like stepping on cracks in the sidewalk. Classmates teased her mercilessly, and she’d come home with kick me signs on her back. Real friendship seemed painfully out of reach for the eccentric, awkward girl who came across as blunt. In high school, when another student asked Lindsey what she thought of her new makeup, Lindsey recalls, “I told her it looked fake. She became silent, and I knew I had blown it.”

Depressed, Lindsey burned herself with a curling iron and cut her arms with safety pins, hiding her injuries with sweatshirts. “Lindsey’s struggles were heartbreaking,” says her mother, Anne Nebeker, 63, a retired teacher in Logan, Utah. “I was very anxious about how she would manage as an adult and whether she would have a social life at all or find love.”

Yet Lindsey’s torment fueled a determination to learn the very skills that eluded her. Her best resource: Dale Carnegie’s self-help classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. Advice as simple as “Be a good listener” began to help, especially by college. The subtleties of romance, however, remained a mystery. She’d fool around with a guy and get dumped a few days or weeks later without explanation. “I had no idea what I was doing that was scaring guys away,” says Lindsey. “I felt like I had failed somehow.” In her early twenties, she gave up. “I decided to focus on the friendships I’d managed to make,” she continues, “and quit worrying about love altogether.”

That’s when she met Dave. It was 2005, and they were at an autism conference in Nashville. Diagnosed at three, Dave grew up with pronounced fixations. He’d tote around empty Clorox bottles, and carry a thermometer to assess the air temperature. Like Lindsey, he had trouble making friends. Dave also has Tourette’s syndrome, which can overlap with autism; it’s the cause of his near-constant head jerks and occasional stuttering and grunting noises. His parents were told he would always be in special education, never able to work or live on his own. By fourth grade, he was in a mainstream class; he went on to college, where he majored in meteorology.

When he and Lindsey met, Dave says, “I was hopeful, but realistic.” They e-mailed and talked on the phone, then hung out again a few months later at a conference in Virginia. On their last night there, at a cafĂ©, Dave took the plunge. Seeing Lindsey’s hands resting on the table, Dave reached for them. “When she didn’t pull away, I knew I had a positive result,” he says in his endearingly geeky, textbookish way. The next day, he gave her a bouquet. “I’d never gotten flowers from anyone, other than my dad after a piano recital,” says Lindsey. Looking Dave in the eye was hard for her. So, she says, “it was a relief to close my eyes and lean in to kiss him. I had my guard up, but some part of me was willing to give it a try.”

Two years later, Lindsey and Dave moved in together. It’s a big step for any couple, but for autistics, it can mean merging two rigid ways of life. Dave likes it cool; Lindsey likes it warm. Dave needs his mattress firm; Lindsey needs hers soft. These may sound like trifles, but what’s merely irritating to others may be, for an autistic, 20 fingernails on 20 blackboards. They’ve discussed every last detail, down to lightbulb preference.

When Dave awakes for work, Lindsey—a night owl—may still be up from the evening before. By noon, she’s improvised a few riffs on her beloved Steinway and is performing the 20-minute ritual of preparing her three thermoses of coffee (touch of flavored syrup, drop of almond milk, heat, adjust, repeat), which she will take with her to her job…at Starbucks.

Being a barista isn’t her Plan A. She dreams of studying photography or special ed in grad school. Dave has turned his fixation on temperature into a meteorology career (his e-mail name is “weatheringautism”). An entry-level forecaster at the National Weather Service, he finds his job exciting. It requires only limited face-to-face contact with strangers; on a typical day, he gives callers weather reports or heads out, alone, to release a weather balloon.

Both often come home exhausted, like actors who’ve been on stage all day. That’s one reason Lindsey and Dave need so much time alone after work, and why they rarely call each other to check in and chat. “Every day, we put out so much effort to speak properly in the workplace and other social settings,” says Lindsey. “When we talk on the telephone, our conversations normally don’t last long because we get uneasy when the small-talk script runs out.”

On weekends, they’re more likely to prowl a bookstore than go to a party or a restaurant. Their friends—mostly from college and conferences, some of whom are autistic—don’t live nearby. They also prefer to eat by themselves. Dave, as if he had superhero hearing, is sensitive to the sound of chewing. He can eat only cooked vegetables—never raw, crunchy ones. Lindsey finds it so torturous to deviate from her food rituals that Dave’s occasional invitation to dine out can send her into sobs. “I just keep telling him, ‘I’m so sorry, I can’t,’” she says. “I feel awful about it.”

Once in a while, with enough notice, Lindsey says yes and they’ll head to a bright and bustling pan-Asian buffet; it’s the opposite of romantic. Dave, lit up like a kid on Christmas Day, will happily put away several crabs’ worth of crab legs. Lindsey, wary of food she didn’t prepare herself, would rather prod stiffly at her wasabi than moon over Dave. But what other diners can’t see is something even more tender than canoodling: Lindsey and Dave’s willingness to step outside their comfort zones to please each other.

Adjusting to sex took time. Lindsey was somewhat nervous about the fact that she was a virgin and Dave was not. “Spontaneity was not an option,” she says. “People with autism really have to mentally prepare for everything.” She felt bogged down by the procedures she’d established in her head from seeing romantic movies like Pretty Woman—“OK, now I’m supposed to take off his shirt.” Three years into their relationship, though, they readily visit each other’s beds.

Marriage, they say, is a possibility; children, they’re less sure about. Both worry about a genetic predisposition to autism, a valid concern, especially given that both Lindsey and her brother have the disorder. Even if they adopt, parenting seems perilous. “Dealing with our rituals and sensory issues demands so much from us,” says Lindsey, “that I don’t know how we’d take care of someone else.”

Lindsey still gets depressed when people misunderstand her. “Sometimes, after a bad experience, I shut myself off from the rest of the world,” she says. “I don’t have to face judgment in my room.” Recently, as a man at work was talking, she tuned out but kept nodding and smiling (a frequent habit). Suddenly he blurted, “Did you hear what I said? I got mugged last night.” Lindsey was crushed. “It’s exhausting,” she says, “to be 27 and still have to work at getting interactions with people right.”

These are the times when she needs Dave most. “He reminds me that tomorrow is another day,” she says. “He makes me feel like I’m worth something.” Dave loves to stand behind her, wrap his arms around her waist, press his nose into her hair and take long, deep breaths. Last Valentine’s Day, he festooned their bathroom mirror with plastic gel hearts (he’s been obsessed with the shape since he was a kid). They’re still there today.

Though connecting with others will be a lifelong struggle, Lindsey and Dave have formed a bond that defies their autism. They may sometimes come across as blunt to strangers, but speaking their own minds clearly and directly—just as they did when they moved in together—has helped their relationship. There’s none of the “if you have to even ask what’s wrong, then forget it” passive-aggressiveness many couples experience, no expectation of mind reading. “People like Lindsey and Dave put so much thought and dedication into making their relationship work,” says Diane Twachtman-Cullen, Ph.D., a speech-language expert who specializes in autism and knows the couple well. “Frankly, we could all take a page from their playbook.”

Lindsey’s mom is similarly awed. Anne Nebeker recalls that when Lindsey and Dave came to visit her for the first time, “we went to a local lake. The two of them were running around and splashing water at each other, and I was so pleasantly surprised to see them doing a normal-couple thing like that. Even when Lindsey calls him ‘Hon’ and it sounds natural, not forced and rehearsed, I am amazed. I am so happy to see her in love.”

These days, when Dave whispers as he approaches Lindsey, she’ll whisper back; it’s become a term of endearment. “Psst…,” he’ll say after he walks in the door and sees Lindsey in the living room. Her face lights up when their eyes meet. “Psst!” she’ll respond, smiling. She knows that with Dave, she’s in a safe place. “I’m so lucky to have found him,” she says. “When I’m with him, I forget about my challenges.”

The original article can be found here:
http://www.glamour.com/magazine/2009/02/theyre-autistic-and-theyre-in-love

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As with the story of Jerry and Mary Newport, I find myself unable to fully relate to the experiences of Lindsey Nebeker and Dave Hamrick, one because the condition I have - Aspergers Syndrome - is somewhat milder than full on Autism, and two because I yet to even date a girl let alone have a relationship. Although, thinking about it, the latter does sort of allow me to relate as just like they became frustrated in their search for love and even began to think that they might never meet anyone, I too often feel much the same way, having been looking for someone for a while with absolutely no success. This ability to relate to that aspect of Lindsey and Dave's lives actually makes their story all the more inspiring because if they can find love why can't I?

There is much more to Lindsey and Dave's story than just two people with Autism finding love though, as not only have they found it, they have also found a way to maintain it. Their tends to be certain conventions about relationships and how they should be conducted - couples should sleep in the same bed in the same room for instance - and these things are generally conducted almost to the letter by neurotypical couples. The pressure to conform to such rules is probably a key reason why relationships between individuals with Autism can often struggle, perhaps even fail, but Lindsey and Dave have taken the route of not conforming to such rules, making their relationship work for them.

They certainly seem to have found a way to make a relationship work around their personal situation and I can't help but feel that if I ever do find myself in a relationship I may be able to take a few pointers from Lindsey and Dave. The idea of sharing a bed for example - now, this isn't to sound selfish or anything but when I am sleeping I need my personal space, it is just something I probably wouldn't be able to change. So, the concept of having a separate bed, a separate room in fact, to my partner would actually be quite desirable. Particularly if I found myself with a partner who is also Autistic, each having our own space could be very beneficial to the relationship as a whole. This is also true of my personal hobbies and interests - while I would love to meet someone who shares the exact same passions as me, the chances of that happening aren't wholly promising given my eclectic range of interests, and for a relatoonship to really work I would need my own space. I'm not saying that I wouldn't make some sacrifices to make a relationship work but there are some things I could never change about myself and someone who truly loved me wouldn't expect me to just as I wouldn't expect someone I truly loved to give up everything for me. Lindsey and Dave have shown the way for people with Autism, Aspergers or other ASDs to enjoy a healthy, loving relationship free of the pressures that neurotypical ideas about relationships place on people like us. This is something truly inspiring.

The way that Lindsey and Dave manage to come out of their comfort zones for each other is also inspiring, showing that they truly are in love and are prepared to make sacrifices for one another. I just hope that if and when I meet the right girl that I am able to show my love in the same way that Dave shows for Lindsey and vice versa. Theirs is a truly sweet and romantic story, one that puts any of the tired and predictable nonsense from Hollywood movies to shame and the fact that it is 100% real, not fiction, only makes the story all the inspirational.

Lindsey and Dave have achieved something that many people with Autism Spectrum Disorders, me included, aspire to but many are unable to achieve - they have formed a connection with someone they truly love and are actually keeping the relationship alive. Anyone on the Autism Spectrum cannot fail to be inspired by this. Lindsey and Dave have shown us that love, even the lasting kind, is possible for people like us. Their story is only only a delightful one but that should give hope to lonely people with Autism all over the world.

Robert Mann BA (Hons)