'Star Trek' - Spot the Aspie

Have you ever watched Star Trek?

If the answer is yes, then, have you ever seen this woman?

A blue Bolian who can often be seen in the background, either at Ten Forward on The Enterprise in The Next Generation or in Quarks Bar on Deep Space Nine.

If you have what you might not have realised is that the woman playing her is Mary Newport, the Aspie who has been one of the subjects of many of the articles I have posted recently.

Robert Mann BA (Hons)

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Here is a bit of background about Mary Newport from a Star Trek website:

Mary Meinel-Newport is an actress seen in several episodes of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and Star Trek: Voyager, playing a Bolian extra. She appeared throughout the first four years of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine as a Bolian background character, possibly Lysia Arlin. She can also be seen in Star Trek: Generations as a Bolian Woman in Ten Forward.

Raised in Tucson, Arizona, both Mary and her husband, Jerry Newport, have Asperger's Syndrome, a mild form of autism. They have two sons, Stephen and Peter, along with two grandchildren. Mary and Jerry Newport's relationship was the subject of a 1995 LA Times article, which became the inspiration for a 2005 film called Mozart and the Whale – named after a book written by the Newports (along with Johnny Dodd) entitled Mozart and the Whale: An Asperger's Love Story. They also wrote a book called Autism - Asperger's & Sexuality: Puberty and Beyond.

Mary Newport appeared on Babylon 5 as a Centauri female (a series that starred Bill Mumy and Andreas Katsulas), and was interviewed twice on 60 Minutes, in both 1996 and 2004.

The source for this information is here:
http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Mary_Meinel-Newport

When Jerry Met Mary

When Jerry Met Mary: Lesley Stahl Revisits A Couple Who Both Suffer From Autism.

Article from CBS News - September 29, 2004

By REBECCA LEUNG.

Jerry Newport and Mary Meinel were brought together by something that usually keeps people apart: autism.

People who suffer from it, as Mary and Jerry do, are usually born with it, and usually grow up unhappy, wary of others, often shutting out even their own parents.

Some autistic people are profoundly retarded; and some are brilliant, like the two people that
Correspondent Lesley Stahl first introduced you to in 1996, and then again eight years later.

Jerry Newport always knew there was something wrong with him. But as he was growing up, he didn’t know what it was.

“The one thing I've never had is natural grace. I guess that's the part of me that I've always felt was missing, that everybody around me seemed to have, was this natural sense of when to talk and how,” says Jerry. “What to say and how to say it, and do all those other unspoken things.”

Jerry was always out of step with the rest of the parade. He did well in school at the University of Michigan, but then he spent the next 20 years drifting from job to job. He was a taxi driver, a messenger, a clerk, busboy and deliveryman. He failed at work, and he failed at relationships. He even had trouble, and still does, making eye contact.

”I was just Jerry,” he says. “I was just odd, eccentric … just almost normal.”

But he got so depressed that he tried to kill himself twice. Without friends, he developed a deep bond with animals. He let his pet cockatiels fly loose in his apartment. And then, just when he felt he would never find his way, he went to the movies. He saw Rain Man, which starred Dustin Hoffman as Raymond Babbitt, an autistic man who spent his whole life in an institution.

Babbitt had some unusual skills, which Jerry discovered he had, too. When a man in the movie asked Babbitt how much 4,343 times 1,234 was, Jerry knew the answer.

”The answer was 5,359,262,” says Jerry. “I said it before he [Babbitt] said it. People in front of me in the theater just looked around. And then, I realized, ‘Uh-oh.’”

As Jerry watched Hoffman play Babbitt, he said, “That's me.” Babbitt was 40 when he first realized he was autistic. So Jerry set out to learn everything he could about autism, and found his way to the department of psychiatry at UCLA. There, he was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, which most experts say is a distinctive form of autism.

Asperger individuals are often highly intelligent, with unusual skills. But like other autistic people, they suffer from severe sensitivity to light, sounds, smell and touch.

Once Jerry knew what he had, he went looking for others like him. He organized a support group of grownups with autism, and they meet on a regular basis.

Mary Meinel is a savant, considered a genius in some ways. Yet as a child, she was labeled difficult, even retarded. One teacher even thought she might be deaf. But Mary was hearing sounds that other humans couldn’t hear. She cried if the piano was out of tune. She played musical instruments with virtually no lessons. She writes music but goes about it like no one you’ve ever heard of.

She can write music from the last page and do it backwards. She says it’s because the music is already written in her brain. In fact, when she was with Stahl, she was writing four parts for a string quartet.

Like Jerry, Mary has Asperger’s Syndrome. After years of turmoil, including a nervous breakdown and thoughts of suicide, she found her way to Jerry's support group.

”And then I found out that he had cockatiels, and he kept them loose in his house,” says Mary. “And I’m going, ‘Hey, me, too.’”

These two lost souls had found each other, and seven months after they met, Jerry asked Mary to marry him. They couldn’t believe their good fortune. They live in an average house in an average neighborhood. And they’re just an average couple – almost, but not quite.

The Newport household includes one rabbit, three iguanas, and 11 birds.

Every new marriage takes adjustment, but theirs took more than most.

“Jerry will walk in the door, and I'll go, 'Hi, honey. How are you?' Hug. He goes, 'No! [Don’t touch me],' says Mary. “It’s like being electrocuted.”

“The kinds of touches that intimidate me are the ones that are a complete surprise,” says Jerry. “But it's when you want to have sex, and that's what both of us want to do, that's a different story, a good story.”

They both say they have saved each other.

“She's the kite and I'm the anchor. I didn't know how to hope, and all she could do was hope,” says Jerry. “It’s incredible. I mean, it’s a miracle. I wake up and I feel like I’ve won the lottery and I didn’t even buy a ticket.”

But their relationship has taken some twists and turns, as Stahl discovered when she visited Jerry and Mary Newport eight years later.

Their divorce in June 1999 came as a shock for everyone who knew them.

“For me, it was a very, very low point in my life,” says Jerry. “Because I really felt like I’d lost the greatest and perhaps the only opportunity I would ever have to have a relationship with somebody who was really a soul mate.

Mary moved back to her hometown of Tucson. But a year later, after being lonely for her soul mate, she decided to take a big step.

“I made a phone call. I said, ‘Please, come back. I miss you,’” says Mary.

Jerry missed her, too. Eleven months later, they remarried and held their reception at the local dog track, where a race was named in honor of the occasion.

For Jerry and Mary, life is good once again. Jerry and Mary now live in the Arizona desert, where they dote on their exotic menagerie of pets. Mary no longer writes music, but she’s happy at home, tending to her flock.

Since this story first aired, Jerry has been in demand as a public speaker, demystifying for others the condition of autism. Together, the Newports have written self-help books for people like them. They are now working on an autobiography they hope will appeal to a larger audience.

Hollywood producers had the same idea when, inspired by Mary and Jerry, they made a film based loosely on their lives. The movie, due out later this year, captures the social discomfort that people like Jerry always feel. But at this stage in his real life, Jerry says he’s come to terms with who he is.

“Rather than being obsessed with trying to be in step with the world, I've come to accept the fact that in certain ways I never will be. And I just don't hate myself for it,” says Jerry. “I think that once I started learning how to love myself as I truly am, it made it easier for other people to love me the same way.”

© MMIV, CBS Worldwide Inc.

The original article can be found here:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/09/29/60II/main646311.shtml

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This is a follow up to my recent posts. Other articles I have posted about Jerry and Mary Newport can be found here:
http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2009/10/against-odds-love-story.html
http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2009/11/mozart-and-whale-interview-with-jerry.html

Robert Mann BA (Hons)

'Mozart and the Whale' Movie Stills

Following up my previous posts here are a selection of still images from the film 'Mozart and the Whale'.

Robert Mann BA (Hons)

'Mozart and the Whale' Movie Trailer

Following up my previous post, here is the trailer for Mozart and the Whale starring Josh Hartnett and Radha Mitchell, written by Ronald Bass and directed by Petter Næss.

It may not be the most authentic and true to life of Aspergers related films - personally I found Adam to be better in that regard - and it may have its flaws, but it is nonetheless an extremely charming and moving film that any Autistic person who has ever felt out of place in the world should not fail to be moved and inspired by, and it does a pretty job of both representing the difficulties that Autistic adults face frequently and also being pretty entertaining as well.

Robert Mann BA (Hons)

'Mozart and the Whale' Movie Poster

This is the movie poster for the film 'Mozart and the Whale' starring Josh Hartnett and Radha Mitchell, written by Ronald Bass and directed by Petter Næss.

Based on the lives of Jerry and Mary Newport it presents a fictionalised account of how the two met, fell in love and got married. As it is a fictionalised account with the names changed it should be taken to represent the true story - that is told in the book 'Mozart and the Whale: An Asperger's Love Story' which came after the film - but it is nonetheless a charming film that is well worth a watch.

Robert Mann BA (Hons)

Mozart and the Whale: Interview with Jerry Newport

Mozart and the whale set to debut in Spokane

Article from Wrong Planet - April 12, 2006

In this installment of the WrongPlanet.net interview series, movie consultant and author Jerry Newport has graciously given me the opportunity to ask him quite a few questions about life, Asperger's Syndrome, his pets, and the upcoming motion picture, Mozart and the Whale, which is based on his life as an individual with Asperger's Syndrome.

In Mozart and the Whale, Josh Hartnett plays the character based on Mr. Newport and Radha Mitchell plays the character based on Mr. Newport's wife, Mary Meinel. Jerry worked as a consultant for the production, which was directed by Petter Naess and written by Ron Bass. The movie is in post-production and the IMDB describes it as "A love story between two savants with Asperger's syndrome, a kind of autism, whose disabilites sabotage their budding relationship."
Again, I would like to thank Jerry for his time, patience, and generosity throughout the interview process.

WrongPlanet.net: When did you first find out about Asperger's Syndrome?

Jerry Newport:1993 and 1994. I heard about it from various lists, mostly from ANI-L.

WP: You mentioned in another interview that you first heard about Autism because of Rain Man.

JN: I saw it in 1989. I had a friend in San Diego; Dr. Linda Nickell, a fellow Michigan graduate. I visited her in April after losing another job and she was finishing her PhD in Psychology. She had also worked with autistic children when getting her Masters Degree in Educational Psychology. Linda saw Rain Man the week before. It was out in theaters again because of the Oscars it won.
Linda said, " I don't think you are autistic but you aren't normal either :)" " The main character in this movie reminds me of you in an unusual way. I would like you to see it and hear what you think of it. It might help you understand yourself better."

WP: In Mozart and the Whale, your romantic interest (who later becomes your wife) also has Asperger's Syndrome. In real life, the two of you get a divorce. What is your view on relationships in which both individuals have Asperger's?

JN: I think marriage is a lot of hard work no matter who is married. The hardest thing if you have two AS people is that's a lot of inflexibility in one relationship.

WP:Are they harder than relationships where only one individual has Asperger's?

JN: I don't know. I see way too much blaming of men with aspergers as the villains, on lists that are dominated by their "normal" spouses. That is bull. If the spouses don't have some issues too, they don't marry aspie men.

WP: School seems to be a problem for lots of people with Asperger's Syndrome because of the social issues and the fact that teachers don't like it when homework isn't turned in. How was school for you?

JN: High school was generally a happy place. The structure was very reassuring. It didn't hurt to have two older brothers do well enough for me to get the benefit of every doubt. And my parents were both high school teachers. I loved school and don't understand the homework issue. I guess some of us just take too long to finish because we want to explore every option?

I was not a good athlete but running helped me stay in shape enough to not be a target and improved my focus. My father encouraged me to manage the basketball team, where I was also the scorekeeper and reported all of the games to the newspaper. It was his way of socializing my savant skills. Trombone playing in band provided aerobic benefit too and improved my social skills.
So by middle of my senior year, I tied for second out of 180 students and had several 800s on the SATs. My cum for math-verbal was 1411, on the morning of my worst illegal hangover of my 17 years :) Socially, I was late to date but at least I had a few dates and even one girl-friend so it was a start.

WP:Do you have any words of advice for people with asperger's who are currently struggling in school?

JN:Find the most comfortable environment. If you are being bullied and the school isn't helping you with that, GET OUT. Study at home, go to a community college, take the GED instead but DON"T accept daily bullying!! Also, try daily exercise. It will help you with stress, focus and you will feel and look better.

WP:You've been a taxi cab driver and now you're becoming a famous writer, yet you have a brilliant mind for mathematics. Why didn't you choose to become a mathemetician or an engineer?

JN: My problem was being a huge fish in a small pond, intellectually. I was never really "into" math, other than a numerical and sometimes visual, geometrical stim. I hated being shown off to other kids with the mental math stuff. It made me feel like a freak. But I accepted it, assuming that math in college and graduate school would be just as easy and the payoff would be a high-paying job that I would do with little effort. I was a good high school math student, best in my county and one of the top- rated in the nation in one contest. But college proved to be different. High school math is a lot more concrete and concrete is ASD turf.

My math ego crumbled soon after I arrived at Michigan. I was in the honors sections of math but not the best student even after more effort than I had ever made. It became apparent to me, halfway in my junior year, that at best, I would just be another academic and not a hotshot. That wasn't good enough if it came with being a freak to most people. I lost interest in math and had no mentor.
I envy Temple Grandin because while I don't think she is brilliant, she has focused on something that she could do. With the proper mentor, I might have gone into designing running shoes or other athletic equipment as I was always interested in athletics. I just had nobody to guide me out of theoretical math, in which I was doomed to mediocrity, to something more practical and enjoyable.

WP: What drew you to your career in taxi cab driving and then your writing career?

JN: I flunked all of the job interviews for white-collar work. My dad, who might have helped me with that, died in the middle of my senior year. My mom lacked the sensitivity to help me. She just wanted me to "straighten out and take care of myself." So I was walking home in Santa Monica, Ca. one afternoon in 1971 and saw a taxi pulling out of the Red Top Taxi lot. I asked the driver how he liked doing it. Once I realized the advantage of relative freedom, daily cash (tips), use of the taxi for personal business ( as long as you make enough not to be noticed ) and the informality of attire, I decided to try it.

Taxi driving was never what I expected to do for fifteen years but it took me that long to get over the social baggage, the interview block.

Writing became an interest to me because I had plenty of time in the taxi, between fares, to read and write. It started with poetry, really primitive stuff. Then I began writing letters to tnewspaper editors. That led to writing speechs for local Democratic candidates and articles in the more progressive underground papers in San Diego.

By the time I left San Diego and moved back to Los Angeles in 1985, my brother Jim, a movie production designer and scriptwriter, encouraged me to focus more on writing.

WP: How were you approached about the doing a movie? Do you have connections with people who are in the movie making business, for example?

JN: I have some relatives in the movie business but the movie resulted from a front-page article in all editions of the Los Angeles Times about Mary and me. That was 10-23-1995. We thought it was about our entire adult support group but the reporter focused on us. That article was read by enough industry types that eventually, we heard from a half-dozen agents and producers.

One of the producers was Robert Lawrence, originally connected to Rain Man as VP for new projects at Universal Studios. Robert knew that Stephen Spielberg had wanted to direct that movie and had promised to give him the first shot at another autism story. So when Robert met us, he knew it was just a matter of finding a screenwriter. He found Ron Bass, co-writer of Rain Man. Ron met us in spring of 1996 and by June, we were all up at Dreamworks, doing lunch with Mr. Spielberg, who offered to pay Bass and Lawrence a record 2.5 million just for the idea of a story based on the lives of Mary and me.

Ron Bass wrote [the Mozart and the Whale] script. Mary and I helped him by sharing some of our history, but the writing is from Ron Bass and his staff of writers who interviewed us, too.

WP: I know that you've talked with famous actor Josh Hartnett.

JN: Josh Hartnett is an intense, sincere fellow. If I wasn't a dozen days older than his dad, he would be a fun friend but it was fun to meet him. His interest came from having a close friend whose cousin is autistic. He put a lot into his acting and was also a big force in finding financial backing and a director for the movie.

WP: I'm really interested in your movie consulting career so I'd like to know more about that.

JN: Not really a career. I consulted on a low-budget flick back in 1971. It was called Cool Breeze, a Shaft type movie. I helped them set up a bookie joint since I was really into horseracing at the time. I consulted on a self-advocacy tape in 1994, called Robert's Choice. It was about making choices. And there's the current film.

WP: What was it like to be on location [for Mozart and the Whale]?

JN:I have been on a lot of locations before so that was no big deal. Of course, this time it was unusual since I had a connection to the subject. The cast, crew etc were all very friendly and I got to talk to the whole group just before lunch the first day I was there. They said I left a good impression but I think that is because people have such low expectations of us that anything we do or say surprises them. I was up in Spokane for two days and satisfied that they were doing a good job. I didn't stay longer because I didn't see any point and had work to do at home.

WP:Do you have any advice for aspiring actors and writers who happen to have Asperger's Syndrome and want to make a break?

JN: I say this on the basis of my own work on a few films as a consultant and watching my brother for almost four decades. Be flexible. There are lots of aspie types in TV, film and radio but they have learned the hard way, when they can be aspie-particular and when they have to fit in. Just about anybody can do lots of jobs in entertainment. So if you are too much of a pain, you are gone in a New York minute.

Be willing to learn to do and try anything. My brother always wanted to be a director and never got the chance. But he has seen his scripts for China Beach get on TV. He has worked in various roles, usually art director, for about every great director you can think of, on almost every continent. Jim has had a very interesting career despite not getting to do, yet, what he wanted. He lives in Bangkok now. He has also written a triad of novels about a 150 year old French Vampire who lives in Thailand, called The Vampire of Siam trilogy.

The important thing is to really want to do something with your life. Having that makes a lot of stuff make more sense. When I was a kid, I learned about the pyramids and thought it would be really cool to have my own pyramid someday, dedicated to whatever great thing I did. But I figured out there isn't enough space for everyone to have one. So I settled on trying to create things that would still add value to the world after I am gone.

Rain Man helped me find things to do like that. I began looking in my past for what had worked and began running again. That led to helping found the L.A. Leggers, one of the largest marathon training clubs in the USA. And eventually, it led to AGUA, my first support group and my future wife, Mary.

A goal in life doesn't always have to make you money. One of the best things that happened to me was when I helped found an adult support group, by default. I really didn't do anything more than find places to meet and compile the member contact list. But in 1993, such a group was a new thing in autism. It made me feel really good about myself. I always wanted to do something that might last after my life was over and that group finally helped me reach that goal.

I think it is important to have a specific goal, like my brother's one of being a director, but be happy with the jobs you do on the way. My other brother has had similar experiences. Both of my brothers are authors. John, my oldest brother, started out in accounting, went into Hosptal Administration, got a PhD in Public Health and went into substance abuse counseling, which led him to a PhD in Psychology. He has a book out, "The Wellness Recovery Connection", that is selling better than my first two books!

I met Mary through that group and I certainly wasn't the best looking or richest male available but I did feel good about my place in life. Adult life is not easy for us, even in the best of times and we all have to give ourselves credit for stuff we do even if society doesn't generally recognize it or pay us for it. Lots of people have no idea how valuable, for example, the mostly voluntary lists and groups are on the Internet. Those people who run them should be proud of what they contribute.

There is a place for us in this world and a NEED for us too.

WP: When did you first start collecting pets? I'm sure you agree that pets are great for providing a special sort of companionship for people with Asperger's Syndrome. I had a guinea pig and I treasured her because she loved me unconditionally, something that is rare for people (other than family members).

JN: That is it, the unconditional love part. I have always had pets. My family had dogs, cats, budgies, hamsters, rabbits, fish and a garden. I began breeding birds in 1980.

The original article, complete with images, can be found here:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/article324.html

The Los Angeles Times article can be found in my previous blog post:
http://thewonderfulworldofautism.blogspot.com/2009/10/against-odds-love-story.html

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This is a follow-up to my previous blog post - see the above link.

This interview fills in additional details regarding Jerry Newport's relationship with his wife Mary, along with many of the difficulties that both have face throughout their lives, offering a much more personal perspective.

It is a very interesting read and offers greater insights than the Los Angeles Times article and I feel the two pieces complement each other pretty well.

Robert Mann BA (Hons)

Against the Odds: A Love Story

Against the Odds: a Love Story; Jerry and Mary Newport grew up as outcasts. Now, they have found each other--and clues to the medical mystery that tormented them.

Article from The Los Angeles Times - October 23, 1995

By KIM KOWSKY.

Precisely 28 weeks had passed since Jerry Newport had met Mary Meinel. He had been waiting for this very moment to pop the question. Twenty-eight, after all, is his favorite number.

"First," he said, "it's a perfect number--the sum of its factors equals 28. Twenty-eight is also the sum of the integers from one to seven and I'm seven years older than her."

Looking back at their April, 1994, engagement, Jerry's obsession with numerical perfection is both amusing and disturbing. And for good reason: It is a gift that comes at a terrible cost.

Jerry has Asperger syndrome, a neurological disorder that isolates those who have it from other people, even while sometimes bestowing unusual talents.

Mary has it too. And while her gifts lie in art, she may be the only person who has ever fully appreciated his delight in numbers.

Who else but Jerry could have found such significance in the landmark fig tree in West Los Angeles where Mary said she wanted the magic moment to occur? The tree, you see, just happens to be 119 years old.

"If you divide seven into the age of the tree," he said, "you get 17, and that's one of the numbers you can make a polygon out of in a circle. But if you square 17, you get 289 and we met on the 289th day of the year."

Clearly, this couple's love story--involving everything from an exorcism and an obsession with whales to a compulsion to read license plates backward for fun--is no ordinary romance.

It is a story of triumph in the face of a potentially devastating but often unrecognized affliction.

Asperger syndrome is often described as a social communication disorder that is similar to a mild form of autism. Patients have trouble understanding subtle gestures that convey what others are thinking or feeling. As a result, they are often characterized as rude, selfish or just plain weird.

Jerry, 47, and Mary, 40, spent most of their lives as social outcasts, feeling intensely alienated from others without knowing why.

Their wedding on Aug. 19, 1994, was a poignant turn in the lives of two people who had always assumed they were too odd to find mates and who, until they found one another, had resigned themselves to live out their years on society's fringes, lonely and alone.

Their union has shown that it is possible for people with Asperger syndrome to find the kind of companionship and fulfillment that other people take for granted. And despite their communication difficulties, the Newports have become forceful advocates, as well as symbols of hope, for adults with autism or Asperger syndrome.

"They are superstars in the world of autism," said Linda Demer, chief of cardiology at UCLA and a former board member of the Autism Society of Los Angeles. "They've been a source of inspiration for a lot of people."

Syndrome a Mystery

Scientists have had so little success in unraveling the mysteries of Asperger syndrome that almost everything about it is in dispute--including its definition.

Many psychologists consider it a mild form of autism. But it was given its own category just last year in the standard manual of psychiatric disorders, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

Like autism, Asperger syndrome is identified in the manual as a "pervasive developmental disorder," affecting social interaction and communication and marked by repetitive behaviors and interests. While those who have the disorders are sensitive to sound and touch, people with Asperger syndrome show curiosity about their environment and eventually develop language and self-help skills.

In practice, however, the categories are harder to define--mostly because there is so much overlap between Asperger symptoms and those of the "high functioning" end of autism, psychologists say.

"It's not like cancer or blindness where you can at least identify who has got it," said Gary Mesibov, director of North Carolina's statewide program for people with autism. "What makes this so difficult is we don't even agree on the essential characteristics that allow you to say who the people are."

Nor is there agreement on its prevalence--although more men than women have the disorder. Some researchers say Asperger syndrome affects as many as 1 in 250 people, while others set the figure at 1 in 650.

And although researchers agree that Asperger syndrome stems from a genetically caused malfunctioning of the brain or central nervous system, no one has determined what part of the brain is affected.

There is no cure, although patients--especially children--can be coached in socially accepted behavior. But first they have to be diagnosed--a task that requires psychologists to rely on mostly subjective judgments.

Some cases are easy to spot. A man with relatively normal speech who exhibits repetitive behaviors, strange speech affectations and extreme social awkwardness may easily suggest a diagnosis, psychologists say. But what about the gawky man with slicked-back hair and shirt buttoned to the neck who irritates his acquaintances with Civil War trivia? Or the "absent-minded professor" who is too absorbed by his studies to heed the social conventions of hygiene?

"There are many, many people with Asperger's who lead productive lives and are really just considered nerds," said Peter Tanguay, a professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at the University of Louisville, Ky., who plans to publish his study of Asperger syndrome this year.

But he added, "Unless there are fairly major disruptions of friendships and interpersonal relations with others, it shouldn't be labeled Asperger's."

Whales and Numbers

Even on first appearance, there is something noticeably odd about the Newports.

Both have a stiff gait and a maddeningly monotonous way of speaking. Jerry sounds hauntingly like a real-life version of Dustin Hoffman's portrayal of Raymond Babbitt, an autistic savant, in the movie "Rain Man."

Mary is a tall, big-boned woman who favors long skirts and tie-dyed shirts. One day, she wears a cap from India over her long red hair--which turns out to be a wig. She shaves her head for her non-speaking role as a blue-tinted Bolian on the television series "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine."

Jerry, who is tall and heavyset, keeps his longish blond hair in a tousled mop. He almost always wears jeans and a blue T-shirt featuring silk-screened dolphins and whales. He is so enamored of whales that two Halloweens ago he used chicken wire and newspaper to construct a killer whale costume that he keeps next to the sofa and strokes during conversations.

Today, the Newports sit in the living room of their tiny, cluttered apartment in West Los Angeles and talk about their first date on Nov. 28, 1993, at the Los Angeles Zoo. They had met a few weeks before at a Halloween party hosted by Adult Gathering, United and Autistic, a self-help group for adults with autism or Asperger syndrome.

Jerry recalls feeling instantly at ease with Mary. She was the first woman he had ever met who didn't make him feel self-conscious.

"We could do silly things together, like reading billboards backward and guessing what it said," he said. "Or I would turn license plate numbers into dates. Like if I saw the number 20,013, I could tell you that Oct. 17, 1955, is the 20,013th day of the century."

Mary was charmed by his mathematical abilities: "I liked it. It was a different version of what I could do with my music and art."

But they soon found they had more than their share of problems, too. Their inability to read each other's emotions made the normal adjustments that new couples face even more difficult.

Mary had to learn not to take it personally when Jerry shrank from her touch in pain. He had to learn to keep his voice down during disagreements to keep her from "emotional shutdowns" that render her speechless.

"The kinds of problems they have makes it much more difficult . . . mostly because of the difficulty {people like them} have with empathy," said B. J. Freeman, director of the Autism and Developmental Disabilities Program at UCLA's Neuropsychiatric Institute. "But they do very well together. . . . It's wonderful to see."

In fact, their relationship is one neither of them ever imagined possible. The lives they led before they met are case studies in the kind of personal devastation that Asperger syndrome can wreak--especially when it goes undetected.

Turning Point

Jerry grew up in Islip, N.Y., knowing he was different.

He didn't walk until he was nearly 2 and only learned to talk at 3 by imitating his brother's pet crow, Blackey. He never looked people in the eye, constantly chewed on his clothing and nails and had a fascination with watching paint dry.

He was 7 when his mathematical abilities began to surface. He could add up a long column of three- and four-digit numbers in his head. Other calculations--like finding square roots--quickly followed.

At school, his talent with numbers, combined with his tendency to talk incessantly in a monotone, set him apart as odd. Most of the time he was shunned, except, he says, when his classmates wanted to dazzle some newcomer with his abilities. Then they would trot him out like a circus freak and bombard him with math problems.

"I remember being in the center of all these people asking me to do stuff and answering their questions so they would go away," he said. "For me, it was a case of either getting no attention at all or . . . having to perform."

Although he came to regard his gift as a burden, it saw him through in other ways. He was accepted to the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor and received a bachelor of arts in math.

By the time he graduated, he was capable of doing extraordinarily complex calculations in his head. He could change numbers from one base to another and could compute logarithms by knowing the sine or cosine. He could usually get the correct answer within a dozen decimal places. But when it came time to find a job, he was at a loss.

It never occurred to him to find work that would make use of his abilities. Instead, he drove a cab for nearly 20 years. During that time, he hardly dated. By his mid-30s, he was suicidal. He tried to kill himself by overdosing on pills, but changed his mind and got his stomach pumped.

"Rain Man" was a turning point. He identified with the main character so deeply that he contacted Bernard Rimland, the founder of the Autism Society of America. He found his way to UCLA's autism clinic, where he was told he probably had Asperger syndrome.

He began attending autism conferences and soon earned a role as a spokesman for adults with autism and Asperger syndrome. He helped coordinate the first adult self-help group and chairs the National Autism Society of America's ad-hoc panel of adult advisers with autism.

Although he regards the previous 20 years as "a waste," he considers himself "one of the fortunate ones."

"You can't compare me to others, not even to Mary," he said. "She had a much harder life than me."

Maelstrom of Pain

Mary is eager to talk about her childhood, but during a conversation in a noisy cafeteria, she gazes upward and begins slapping her hand against her arm. There are too many conversations going on at once, she says, and she cannot filter them out of the discussion.

She has been prone to sensory overload all of her life.

As a child in Phoenix, she often responded to stress, loud noises or strong smells by spinning in circles or rocking.

Although she walked and talked at a normal age, she had a penchant for imitating sounds over and over. One teacher suggested she might be mentally retarded.

She did relatively well in school--until she reached puberty. Then, inexplicably, she fell apart.

"My brain turned to Jell-O," she recalled. "I couldn't make heads or tails out of anything."

She dropped out of high school and went to Europe to live with one of her sisters in a religious cult, she said. There, cult leaders arranged a marriage between the 16-year-old Mary and an 18-year-old boy who she says couldn't stand her. The couple had a son. But she soon left the cult with her baby and moved to America, where she had a son with a man she no longer sees.

The next two decades were a maelstrom of psychic pain. Without a diagnosis for her condition, she only knew that she felt profoundly alienated from other people. While she could usually find work as a piano tuner, she was socially naive and often became a target for exploitation.

In 1986, she rediscovered talents she had lost touch with: drawing and composing music.

Her methods are unusual. She draws without looking at the page, allowing her hand to follow its own course. Only later, she says, does she find hidden images that she had no idea she was creating.

She composes by waving a pencil in circles over a score sheet until a sensation tells her where to put each note. She says she has no idea how it will sound until she programs the score into her keyboard and plays.

David Quaschnick, an Emmy-award-winning makeup artist who works with Mary for "Star Trek," describes her as "a very creative artist" whose art and music is "intensely creative."

"She doesn't have any formal training in art, but she somehow has a natural understanding of depth and focus," he said. "Her music is the same way. It comes from pure creativity."

But her art didn't always draw such praise. In the late 1980s, relatives and friends who were convinced Mary was doing "the devil's work" persuaded her to burn her art and music--and to undergo an exorcism.

The next few years were punctuated by deep depressions and two nervous breakdowns.

With her two sons, Mary had moved 14 times in 10 years, each time changing states and jobs. In between, there were bouts of homelessness, including time at a Los Angeles Skid Row shelter.

In 1991, she was so desperate for work that she shaved her head and attended an open audition with Central Casting. They agreed to represent her and landed her a job doing guest appearances on "Star Trek" the following month.

In 1993, a UCLA psychologist finally helped her make sense of the painful turns her life had taken. The psychologist told her she had "autism/Asperger syndrome" and referred her to Jerry's self-help group.

Jerry told her about the Halloween party. She came as Mozart. He came as Willy the whale. She thought he was strange. He thought she was weird.

It was, they would soon discover, the first stirrings of love.

'Spiritual Synchrony'

Jerry and Mary were married the following year on Jerry's 46th birthday at St. John's Presbyterian Church in Westwood. Mary's adult sons were the only guests. After the ceremony, the four rode the bus to Santa Monica and ate ice cream and carrot cake at a park.

A year later, the Newports celebrated their first anniversary. Mary made the invitations, which featured killer whales in the shape of a heart. Jerry wore his whale costume part of the time, ostensibly to entertain some children.

Almost all of the guests were support group members, their relatives or professionals who work with people with autism or Asperger syndrome.

Marshall Weeks, 26, who describes himself as "the autistic Steve Martin," thrilled people with his extensive knowledge of music trivia. Dean Beuerman, 23, who regularly combs the newspaper for weather-related stories, grilled a woman who had just returned from a trip to June Lake about the depth of the snowpack.

"I think that was the first party I ever enjoyed," Mary said. "Everyone was conversing and being social in their own way."

Clearly, there was a lot to celebrate. Jerry had finally left his job as a driver to work as an administrative assistant in UCLA Medical School's financial department. Part of the job requires him to proofread accounting spreadsheets--he can look at a column of numbers and know if one is out of place. The only difficult part for him is operating the copying machine.

Meanwhile, Mary passed the high school equivalency exam and is planning to enroll next March at the Gemological Institute of America to study jewelry design. She also was recently invited to exhibit her art at a soon-to-be-opened gallery in Ventura County.

Mary says she feels more comfortable in the world than ever. And Jerry, who spent years wishing he were more "normal," once again takes pleasure in his talent for numbers. For the first time in years, he believes the future holds some promise--including yet another perfect number.

You see, on July 31, 2016, it will have been 8,128 days--or 1,161 weeks and one day--since Jerry proposed to Mary. Of course, 8,128 is a perfect number.

Said Jerry: "I had never dreamed that I could live in such spiritual synchrony with anyone. What else matters? That we are both . . . savants and perhaps other labels is not the point. We are just meant to be together."

© Los Angeles Times 1995

The original article can be found here:
http://www.aspires-relationships.com/jerry_and_mary_newport.htm

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Personally, I cannot fully relate to many of the experiences of Jerry and Mary Newport. While i have Aspergers just like them, our lives have followed very different paths. In their autobiography Mozart and the Whale: An Asperger's Love Story they detail their entire lives up to and beyond the time when they found each other. With Aspergers not even being a recognised diagnosis for much of their lives they both lived most of their lives almost like outcasts from society and faced numerous difficulties that even the most hard willed of NTs might be unable to face let alone anyone with Autism. Yet, despite the harsh lives they have led and several suicide attempts they have eventually found happiness and this is something that is truly inspiring for any Autistic person who feels like life is too much to bare. So, while I may not be able to personally relate to such experiences (frankly, many of the problems I have are quite insurmountable by comparison) I can still be moved and inspired by them.

As for this article - which came some years before the book, consequently predating some of the events that are detailed within in it, and according to Jerry and Mary themselves isn't as honest as it might seem, their relationship hanging by a thread at the time - I may not be able to relate to much about relationships, never having even been on a date with a girl, but I do relate to the desire to obtain the 'spiritual synchrony' that both Jerry and Mary share. I may be woefully inexperienced in the world of relationships and possibly ill equipped to fully face the kind of complications that come with a serious relationship but I nonetheless want to meet that someone special more than anything.

And this story gives me hope that one day sooner or later (i'm really hoping sooner though) I will meet a truly special girl who I share a true connection with. And I'm sure that this story, and others like it (many of which I will be posting on this blog in the near future) will inspire others just as it has inspired me.

Robert Mann BA (Hons)

Welcome

My name is Robert. At the age of 14 I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of Autism (I might have been diagnosed at a younger age if the person brought in to see me hasn't said that I was just going through a phase that I would grow out of - I showed them).

When I got this diagnosis it was a relief in many ways. I had always been an outcast of sorts at school and often got picked on (fortunately it was only ever verbal for me, not physical) for being different. My diagnosis changed everything. Once I knew of my diagnosis and all my teachers and fellow students were informed of it things improved for the better in my school life. I was no longer picked on by other pupils and teachers were far more understanding when I had difficulty coping with the work load (although less so the work itself - I was always fairly bright). In this regard being diagnosed with Aspergers is undoubtedly one of the best things that has ever happened to me. It has my life a whole lot easier in quite a few ways.

However, while my life is hardly what many would consider to be difficult, my condition still creates a huge amount of difficulties in my life. Of course awareness of it makes these issues considerably less difficult but it doesn't eliminate them. One of the biggest problems is one shared by many people with Austism Spectrum Disorders. The general expectation of society tends to be that everyone is responsible to get a job and pull their weight in the world. For Neurotypicals this is as easily done as it said, as many people perform jobs in shops, restaurants, offices, etc. day by day without too much difficulty. They just take such jobs for granted and perhaps even enjoy their work. For someone with Autism, however, doing such jobs is more easily said than done. The intense pressures that come with such common jobs as these are often too much for the Autistic mind to handle. We have major difficulties dealing with social situations, something that many of these jobs involve on a day to day basis, and we tend to mentally burn out at a much faster pace than people who aren't Autistic. Add into this, the sensory sensitivities that often come with Autism and it makes some jobs virtually impossible to do. Nonetheless, though, I do have a job, working at a cinema - a perfect fit considering how much I love film. For someone like me simply working at a place like this is quite a feat. Unfortunately, the difficulties created by my Autism mean that I can currently only handle one shift a week, after which I am usually so drained of energy and morale that it can take me ages to fully recover - although as I am also currently a student doing a Masters the stress created by my university work cannot be ruled out as a factor in this. It's not that I am work shy. In fact, once I have finished at university I would very much like to get a job. It's just that, like with many Autistic individuals, I can't perform the kind of work to the level of ability that others do. What I intend to do though is use the gifts that come with Autism to my advantage.

Autism isn't all bad. It comes with many positive aspects. For example, some Autistic people, referred to as savants, have incredible abilities involving things such as mathematics or art, abilities that make them true talents. Such abilities can very well by utilized by those who possess them as a means of making a living by doing something that they truly love doing. I, sadly, am not a savant, but even non savants can still possess impressive skills and abilities, often revolving around incredible memories relating to the favourite interest(s) of the individual. This is very much the case with me. The interest that I pursue obsessively (everyone with Autism seems to have one) is films. I watch films all the time and I have developed an extensive knowledge relating to the subject. While I often have difficulty remembering simple day to day films, I can remember considerable amounts of information about movies - release dates, production budgets, box office grosses, cast lists, that kind of stuff - and I am also very good at writing movie reviews and articles, something that I do on a weekly basis, publishing them on an online blog.

This is certainly something that I could pursue as a career. What's more though, like numerous other Autistic individuals, I have a very creative mind. Frequently, new ideas for films just pop into my head and while I am certainly not an expert scriptwriter I am getting very good at translating these ideas from my mind onto paper. This is something that I am actively pursuing as part of my university work. I have already done a Bachelors degree in Creative Studies for which I received a 2.1 Honours and now I am doing a Masters degree in Media Practice, the ultimate culmination of my work being a film about Aspergers Syndrome that I am currently working on. My university work is not without its share of challenges - recently, the pressure of my Masters has been getting to me quite a bit - but it nonetheless allows me to explore fields in which I am both gifted at and am extremely interested in, and will hopefully open doors for me to explore these fields when it comes to pursuing a career. I love writing film reviews. I love writing film scripts. I love making films. And I am good at all these things (not to mention also being quite good at photography and songwriting, among several other things) and hopefully one day I can put these abilities to use and become a success story of my own.

While my (extremely ambitious) long term goals do seem very much in reach, however, in the short term I continue to struggle with many of the difficulties that many Autistic people experience. Since starting university I may have become considerably more independent (before, apart from walking to school, I couldn't even leave the house on my own but now I can go many places on my own) but I am still not confident enough to live on my own - I still live with my parents - and I am finding myself more and more overwhelmed by the many responsibilities that adults face on a day to day basis. In fact, I frequently don't feel like I am an adult at all. I am 22 years old yet I often feel like I am only half that, like I am a child stuck in an adults body, or stuck in limbo somewhere between childhood and adulthood. When I am fully awake and everything is going right I can act and seem completely mature and you would be hard pressed to even realize that I am Autistic. When I am like this I am capable of so many things and my taste in things like films and music definitely reflects my mental state. You see, I probably have one of the most varied DVD collections you'd likely come across. I appreciate film as an art form with adult films such as 'Kill Bill', 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' and 'The Bucket List' yet I also love popcorn blockbusters like 'Transformers', romantic comedies like '13 Going On 30' and kids stuff like 'Hannah Montana'.

This brings me to how I become when I am tired or stressed, which is quite frequently given the amount of daunting situations I face - even little things can make me anxious, such as something in my room not being in quite the right position or a slight disruption in my routine. I am currently experiencing some pretty big things that create stress and anxiety as well although I won't discuss these due to them being of a very personal nature. When I am tired or stressed I often find solace in embracing my more child like side. I collect soft toy pigs and cuddling them both calms me and makes me feel happier at times when I feel very depressed and, while many would consider me weird for doing such things, this is as much a part of me as my love for more serious cinema or my varied abilities. It gives me something to help me avoid feeling low due to the constant feelings of loneliness that I, and others like me, endure.

I am not very good at making friends, desiring social interaction more than anything but being completely clueless at it, part of the reason for this being the fact that most social interaction seems to involve going out at night to venues that are loud and crowded and getting drunk, all things that I loathe - I would rather stay at home and watch a film, I can't stand loud noise, I hate crowds and even though I do occasionally (and I mean occasionally) drink alcohol I despise the feeling of being drunk. What's more, all my life the only thing I have really wanted is a girlfriend, but I am even more clueless when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. Every time I have ever liked has turned me into a nervous wreck and eventually has rejected me, something which has damaged my confidence considerably. Some people say that you should try being friends with a girl first but I find this just makes things much more difficult - after I've known a girl for a while I almost become too intimidated to show any interest, let alone consider making a move. And with the various quirks that come with my Autism I often wonder if there even is a girl who would ever be compatible with me in any way. For the time being I have simply stopped looking, putting my efforts into my studies, and hoping that I might meet that someone special when I least expect it.

This brings me to the purpose of this blog. Not long ago I came across an inspirational story about an Autistic couple who had found love and found a way to make their relationship work for them. The article gave me a sense of hope and joy and since then I have been scouring the internet, devouring any and every story of hope and inspiration about individuals on the Autistic Spectrum that I could find. And now I am going to bring these stories together in one place, so that other people who, like me, often feel lost in a world that frequently fails to understand us can experience the sense of hope that I now feel thanks to reading these inspirational stories. My hope is that just reading these may make others feel a bit better about themselves as they did me.

Robert Mann BA (Hons)